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Your angels led you here for a reason! In this soul-nourishing episode, I sit down with Scott Stabile, bestselling author of Big Love and Enough As You Are, to explore how self-love and compassion can transform your spiritual journey. Scott shares his powerful story of escaping a cult, redefining love as a healing force, and practical tools to silence self-judgment (yes, even for chronic overthinkers!). Discover why “love is a skill, not a destination,” how to navigate toxic relationships with grace, and why your angels are cheering you on every step of the way. Stay tuned until the end for divine guidance on joining my Angel Reiki School (in-person or online) to deepen your gifts, manifest miracles with the 21-Day Money Challenge, or book a private reading. Links below! Leave a 5-star review for a FREE reading—your angels are waiting. 💫 #SelfLove #AngelicGuidance

.TIMESTAMPED OVERVIEW

00:00 Julie’s Announcements: Women’s Circles, Couples Retreat, New Courses
02:10 Welcome & Introduction to Scott Stabile
02:56 Scott’s Journey: From Cult Experience to Love-Centered Living
04:03 Defining Love as Energy & Healing Tool
06:33 Navigating Humanity’s Dual Nature: Love vs. Violence
10:29 Self-Love as a Skill: Tools for Compassion & Grace
15:46 Overcoming Rumination: Physical & Spiritual Practices
21:48 Relationships & Expectations: Finding Peace Without Control
27:55 Self-Love in Action: Journaling, Nature, and Radical Acceptance
31:20 Scott’s Substack, Books, and Connecting with Non-Physical Guides
36:19 Closing Promotions: Angel Reiki School, Money Miracles Challenge
41:05 Practical Steps to Start a Friendship Bench (Analogous to Julie’s Community Work)
46:30 Final Takeaways: “You Are Exactly Where You’re Meant to Be”
52:48 Outro: Free Reading Opportunities & Angelic Guidance Reminder

TRANSCRIPT:

0525

[00:00:00] Julie: Beautiful souls. Before we dive into today’s episode, I wanted to share a few exciting things happening in our community that might be exactly what your [00:00:09] soul’s been looking for. First, I’m opening sacred women’s circles, intimate gatherings of no more than eight women, where we can [00:00:18] come together in a safe, soul nourishing space to share, heal, and grow regularly each month.

[00:00:25] These will be offered [00:00:27] online and in person from my home in Wheaton, Illinois. If your heart is craving deep connection and sacred sisterhood, you are [00:00:36] so invited. Second, my husband and I are hosting our first ever couples retreat in July, 2025. This retreat is [00:00:45] designed to help couples feel a deeper connection than ever before to one another, and to the sacred energy that brought you together.

[00:00:53] We’ll be [00:00:54] guiding you through heart opening practices and soulful connection work to reignite and strengthen your bond. And finally, we have [00:01:03] two brand new courses launching soon in the Angel membership starting June. First, we’ll begin with signs a powerful journey where [00:01:12] you’ll learn exactly who’s on your spirit team, which signs each guide and Angel sends you personally, and how to interpret the messages [00:01:21] behind those signs.

[00:01:22] Then on July 1st, we begin with Chakras 1 0 1 and healing Your Energy with Archangel Raphael, where [00:01:30] you’ll learn how to balance and heal your own energy systems chakras with angelic support and divine light. I. Both of [00:01:39] these courses are exclusive to the Angel membership, and I’d love, love, love to have you join us.

[00:01:45] You can sign up [00:01:48] today@theangelmedium.com or email me directly at julie@theangelmedium.com for details. Now, [00:01:57] let’s dive into today’s episode, and remember, any message that you hear is definitely for you from your angels. Listen and [00:02:06] follow. Hello, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the Angels and Awakening Podcast.

[00:02:10] I’m your host and author, Julie Janis, and today’s episode is one I’m [00:02:15] so excited to share with you because we’re talking with someone whose work has deeply touched my own heart and life. Our guest is Scott Stable, the [00:02:24] beloved author of Big Love, the Undeniable Power of Following Your Heart. And Enough As You are, Scott, I, you [00:02:33] must channel your titles because they just.

[00:02:36] Speak to me so much. Thank you so much for being here.

[00:02:40] Scott: Thank you for having me. You must be a [00:02:42] lover if my title speak to you.

[00:02:44] Julie: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Enough. As you are just brings me directly into my soul’s energy.

[00:02:50] Scott: [00:02:51] Absolutely. I’m happy to hear that. Thank you.

[00:02:53] Julie: How did you get into this work, writing, teaching, speaking?

[00:02:58] Scott: I got into [00:03:00] the work of love. I mean, essentially I see myself as. A cheerleader for love, the power of love in our lives and in our [00:03:09] world. And when I speak of love, really what I’m talking about is, is my experience of love is as an energy. Yeah. This abundant energy that’s alive [00:03:18] within us and outside of us.

[00:03:19] And it’s something that we can choose to access whenever we want and whenever we do choose to access it, [00:03:27] in my experience, we serve ourselves and our world in really beautiful ways. So. I, I came as I came to discover that [00:03:36] really in my half my life ago, in my mid twenties, I actually got involved in a cult in the Bay Area and had a guru and was a part of the [00:03:45] spiritual community.

[00:03:45] And the, the teachings there were really focused on unconditional love and unconditional friendship, and showing up with compassion and [00:03:54] forgiveness and all of these really beautiful messages. The, the experience there definitely went, uh, down a path that wasn’t really [00:04:03] centered in my experience in love, and it ended quite darkly.

[00:04:06] But, but the gifts that came from that experience stayed with me. I. [00:04:12] Throughout my life, essentially just realizing when I center myself in the energy of love and move forward in alignment with that energy in [00:04:21] my thoughts, my words, my actions, as much as I’m able to do everything in life feels better. Yeah, and I don’t say that, you know, Julie, I think it’s very easy when we [00:04:30] talk about love for, for some people to kind of poo pooh it as this very woowoo in the clouds kind of talk or experience.

[00:04:38] [00:04:39] And I’m not, I’m not speaking about love from that place. I’m speaking from a very grounded understanding that when we operate from a place of love. [00:04:48] We feel better, we are of greater service to everyone and everything on this planet. And I think we all intuitively know [00:04:57] that.

[00:04:57] Mm-hmm. And

[00:04:57] Scott: yet, um, which I think in part for me, makes it especially frustrating to take in a world that is consistently [00:05:06] justifying actions that aren’t aligned with loving behavior.

[00:05:10] Um, and by the way, I’m not always loving. I’m a jerk. I’m a, I’m, everything, everyone [00:05:15] is. I just find I, I really. I’m really committed to love and to get, when I fall off that, that love train, to get myself back on it as as [00:05:24] soon as possible, and to act from that place as much as I can. The

[00:05:27] Julie: Spirit was saying earlier to ask you this question, you know, it seems like we’re, I didn’t think [00:05:33] it was possible, but we are all.

[00:05:35] So much more disconnected. We’re disconnected from the planet, we’re disconnected from one another. We’re [00:05:42] disconnected for our, from ourselves, and a lot of people are just so disconnected from God, universe, source. How do you see [00:05:51] our times right now of moving us to a place of greater love and secondarily.

[00:05:58] You know, you, you mentioned [00:06:00] earlier that you feel that love and I feel an energy that I call oneness with my listeners. Mm-hmm. Yeah. [00:06:09] Where you are just in this state and I can feel it palpably where my crown is open. I can feel this energy [00:06:18] overflowing of love so much in my heart chakra that it just radiates.

[00:06:23] Out in all directions, and it just feels like [00:06:27] you’re floating in this bubble of love. Um, and that’s the state of being. Mm. That I like to get into and [00:06:36] keep myself in as much as possible. But like you, I am not perfect at all and fumble all the time.

[00:06:43] Scott: I’ve been struggling lately. You [00:06:45] know, I’ve really been grappling with some of my, my understanding with who we are and why we’re here and, and I’ve, I’ve [00:06:54] lived with this sense for many years.

[00:06:57] That who we are at our core, we are loving, peaceful beings and that we are ever [00:07:03] evolving in that direction. And honestly, I don’t know what I think about that now because I, I really am trying to, I. [00:07:12] Look at the Hu human race through this lens of, of the possibility that who we are at our core is not [00:07:21] necessarily like, I don’t know that we’re love at our core when what I, maybe we are this species, maybe our core is [00:07:30] actually violence.

[00:07:31] We see so much violence there. So how can I say confidently? A hundred percent that who we are is [00:07:39] love when we are a species that. For our entire history, has continuously gone to war, has continuously [00:07:48] separated ourselves from other groups and tribes and dehumanized and made less than others. Mm-hmm. So, I don’t know the truth anymore.

[00:07:55] What I, what I know [00:07:57] is that love is our greatest healer. And so whether or not we are a species [00:08:06] that is evolving toward greater love or more violence, whether that’s where we’re coming from, I can, I can, I [00:08:15] still steer toward, we’re loving at our core, but I can’t say with absolute certainty that’s the case, but, but what I do know is that how I [00:08:24] want to live.

[00:08:25] No matter what is the same. Yeah. Which is to say for everybody listening that no matter how you’re experiencing these [00:08:33] times and these times are. Incredibly difficult for, I would say most to all of us, we are. Yeah. You know, the, the heaviness, the violence, the [00:08:42] injustice, the assault of information coming at us from so many different directions can feel entirely overwhelming.

[00:08:49] Mm-hmm. And, and what [00:08:51] I’ve, what I continue to come back to is no matter how I view our world, whether I see us as. Flourishing or imploding. Whether I see us as ultimately [00:09:00] loving or ultimately violent, the question I ask myself is, who do I want to be in the face of it all? And that answer for me is always [00:09:09] the same.

[00:09:09] I want to be a messenger of love. I want to be a person who is shining compassion on myself and others who is committed to [00:09:18] forgiveness of myself and others, and ultimately. I would ask that question to everyone listening, knowing that we don’t have control over [00:09:27] anyone else, or over how anyone else is choosing to show up.

[00:09:31] How do you wanna show up if you want more love in this world? Are you living in [00:09:36] that example? Are you modeling that which you’d like to see more of? You know, we, I, I feel like so many of us are talking about wanting to [00:09:45] co-create a reality that is more loving, more open, more compassionate. And then ultimately it comes back to, okay, this is what I want as well.

[00:09:53] Am I [00:09:54] modeling it? Because that’s where my power lives in my capacity to show up as a loving human being. And so that I feel like is the invitation [00:10:03] for all of us to consider and to trust in that, because ultimately I would love Julie to say to you like, I’m this selfless Buddha [00:10:12] type that that is not, that’s not my reality.

[00:10:15] My reality is. I have experienced love as the best feeling [00:10:21] energy I can engage with, which is why I can com continue to come back to it. I wanna feel good and love feels good. If hate felt good, [00:10:30] this would be a very different conversation. I’d be pitching my, my hate book. Big hate, right? But it doesn’t feel good and, and we know that [00:10:39] and it’s like, so we know it.

[00:10:40] Everyone wants to give and receive love. That is. As innate, a human calling as any other. So [00:10:48] let’s live into that. Let’s take responsibility for how we’re supporting that energy in the world. And for me, my experience of [00:10:57] love is also that all my heart ever encourages me to do is to love. It. That is the only [00:11:06] message I get to my, from my heart, which is why I love when I am centered in that place because there’s no confusion.

[00:11:12] It’s absolutely clear. Yeah. And so [00:11:15] even in, in regards to my ego, it’s like my. The love within me is encouraging me to shine love on every part of [00:11:24] myself like I am no longer interested in going to war with any aspect of who I am, not with my ego, not with my envy, not with my [00:11:33] jealousy, like I am practicing and playing with just inviting it all to the table.

[00:11:39] Because what I’ve seen is that wars [00:11:42] create wars. Internally and externally, and I’m not interested in creating war. Oh, for sure. So even my ego, which I I’m like you, I’m [00:11:51] not interested in being ruled by my mind, you know? And at the same time, I’m not interested in going to war with it. ’cause that is a losing battle.

[00:11:59] [00:12:00] Our minds are, are relentless for sure. And, and strong. So how can I. How can I just [00:12:09] continuously bring myself back into a loving space? I, I kind of see the energy centers and it may be one consciousness. I, again, I don’t have [00:12:18] answers for how all of this works. Not really. Yeah. But how I, how I see it personally is like.

[00:12:23] Three really distinct energy centers. The ego mind. Yeah, [00:12:27] the heart and then the soul. And for me, the soul is just witnessing. It’s just bearing witness to this experience. When I’m, when I’m feeling connected to the energy of my [00:12:36] soul, all I feel is peace. Yeah. And no suffering, no judgment, absolute acceptance with everything I am and with [00:12:45] everything that is as it is, and just learning, observing, learning, observing.

[00:12:50] The heart is just loving everyone. And my, and I’m like, even [00:12:54] that person and my, my heart’s like, yes, absolutely that person too. Right? And then the mind along with being wildly creative and handling all the [00:13:03] logistics. Is where all the suffering exists. Mm-hmm. All the insecurity, all the fear, all the um, the belief in [00:13:12] separation and all of this, this stuff that creates the mess that we’re seeing here.

[00:13:16] So I. For me, the practice is like, how [00:13:21] can I just spend more time in my heart and soul? Yeah. And also move through the world where we’re constantly being pushed back into our [00:13:30] ego and pushed back into our mind and put on the defense, or put on the offense, and all of these things that we’re contending with all the time.

[00:13:38] How [00:13:39] do we. How do we contend with them from a more heart-centered and soul-centered place so that what we’re offering to ourselves and to others is [00:13:48] more peace and more love. Yeah. And then to your, your question about how do I experience God, it’s. I mean [00:13:57] really if, if God is everything, then God is in everything.

[00:14:01] Like my ego is a manifestation of God as much as my heart is a manifestation [00:14:06] of God. But when I feel like you, the way you described love, I. I resonate so deeply with that because when you, you said more like your, I think you [00:14:15] said kind of your, your third eye or your crown chakra. Yeah, for sure. And for me, I, I experience, I experience it more in my heart chakra, but it is this sense [00:14:24] of.

[00:14:24] Totality. It emanates from the heart, but it feels like it’s moving out from there and just filling everything I am [00:14:33] with this energy that feels almost in moments overwhelming. Like if I, even if I continue to let myself love, I might just burst open, [00:14:42] but in a beautiful way. So I feel like you this, this, this feeling of energy that spreads through the entirety of me and [00:14:51] the only.

[00:14:52] Call in that space is to see everyone through this beautiful lens of compassion and to want good [00:15:00] for everyone, and to even the people whose words and actions I find most abhorrent and most harmful and most dangerous. When [00:15:09] I’m in love, it’s not that I agree with what they’re saying or doing. If anything, I feel more.

[00:15:14] Attuned to what is harmful about what they’re saying and [00:15:18] doing, but I still feel connected to their humanity through it. I’m still willing to acknowledge that had I walked in their shoes and lived their life, I [00:15:27] might land in the exact same place saying and doing the exact same things they themselves are saying and doing, and I can’t know that I wouldn’t, which is what [00:15:36] helps me stay empathetic and compassionate.

[00:15:38] I, I believe questions are so important. I bring them up a lot in my teaching, and I refer to them as generative questions [00:15:45] because I think we, we often do a disservice to ourselves by the questions we ask ourselves, and we set ourselves up for a lot of no answers [00:15:54] because our minds, again, are so steeped in fear and insecurity often that when we’re trying to create change in our lives, the questions we [00:16:03] ask like.

[00:16:03] If we want to get a new job, let’s say we’re unhappy in our job. And so if we’re asking the question, am I gonna be able to find a job that pays [00:16:12] as well? And whatever, our mind is automatically gonna say, no, you’re not. So don’t even try, because our minds, our fear, wants to protect us and by protecting us, it just [00:16:21] tells us no to everything that could create discomfort.

[00:16:24] But to your question, when you ask, how do I want to feel? And then if, if you were to follow that [00:16:30] up, if Joy is how you want to feel, a question I might ask after that is. How can I go about creating more joy in my life? [00:16:39] And that kind of question assumes the yes. It assumes that I’m absolutely empowered to create more joy in my life, and it invites me to look at [00:16:48] the ways that I can go about doing that.

[00:16:50] What, you know, what types of things tend to elicit joy in my life? And then suddenly I have a list of 10 things, [00:16:57] and then it just becomes about if I want to feel more joy in this moment, choose from that list. One of those things that you can do right now. And it’s. I think [00:17:06] Julie, so much of. This spiritual path in life.

[00:17:09] The, it’s so simple. Like, and I do think there’s a, a huge distinction between [00:17:15] what is simple and what is easy. Like the concepts are really simple. What brings you more joy? Do it and you’ll feel more joyful. Right? But [00:17:24] actually doing it is often not as easy as figuring out what it is we want to do. And yet.

[00:17:31] I think questions are a [00:17:33] great place to start, and they just have to be followed with action. I don’t, I, in my experience, the mind is extraordinarily powerful and our thoughts are extremely [00:17:42] powerful, and you can’t ultimately, consistently think yourself into a better state without taking any sort of [00:17:51] action to create the state you’re seeking.

[00:17:54] Julie: Say that one more time. That last piece, I

[00:17:57] Scott: just, that you can’t ultimately, [00:18:00] consistently think yourself into a better state of being or into the change you want to create. Mm-hmm. Without taking some action to create that change. You, you [00:18:09] have to, you have to act at some point.

[00:18:11] Julie: Friend, if you’ve been asking for a sign, this is it.

[00:18:16] Your angels are ready to guide [00:18:18] you into your next chapter of service healing and spiritual expansion. First, I wanna personally invite you to our next [00:18:27] in-person Angel Reiki school. It’s June 6th through eighth, 2025 in Oakbrook, Illinois. This sacred three day training will [00:18:36] certify you in mediumship.

[00:18:37] Energy healing and becoming an angel. Messenger yourself while giving you the roadmap I used to build a six [00:18:45] figure spiritual business. Or keep your day job and learn skills to serve and earn thousands each month on the side. If [00:18:54] your soul has felt this calling to serve, this is your moment Spaces limited, and the Angel Reiki school always sells [00:19:03] out To sign up, go to the angel medium.com.

[00:19:07] Slash GI Dash certified. The link is in the [00:19:12] show notes. And if you can’t travel, our online version of the Angel Reiki School begins on the first of each month. So you can start from wherever you are [00:19:21] right now. Next we begin a brand new course on May 11th that your angels created just for you. It’s the [00:19:30] 21 Day Money Miracles Challenge.

[00:19:33] This transformational experience is available only inside the Angel membership, and we’ll [00:19:39] completely reset how you relate to receiving divine prosperity and the soul of money. Over 21 days, your angels will show you [00:19:48] how you’ve been playing small and how to align with soul sourced wealth and sacred overflow.

[00:19:56] These [00:19:57] are tools and teachings that you’ll use for the rest of your life. The 21 Day Money Miracles Challenge is only available in the Angel membership [00:20:06] now for $111 a month, join for a single month or become an annual member. Start today and receive a [00:20:15] beautiful bonus activation to supercharge your receiving energy.

[00:20:20] Go to the angel medium.com/angel [00:20:24] membership to begin, and if you’re seeking deep clarity, healing, and confirmation, you can also book a personal reading with me where I connect you with [00:20:33] your angels and loved ones in heaven to bring through loving guidance. And support. Book your session [00:20:42] now@theangelmedium.com slash readings.

[00:20:43] Again, it’s in the show notes. Friends, I’m expecting that we’re gonna need over 50 volunteers to receive a [00:20:51] free angel reading from my students during the in-person Angel Reiki school. Some will be live in, uh, the Chicagoland area, some [00:21:00] will be online. This is June 6th through eighth to be considered all you have.

[00:21:05] To do is leave a five star positive review of this [00:21:09] podcast. Submit a screenshot using the contact form@theangelmedium.com slash content. Leave your five star review [00:21:18] today and you might be hearing from me really soon. Friends, your angels are already preparing the path ahead. All that’s left is for you to say [00:21:27] yes.

[00:21:28] Yes. Yes. Say yes to life. Now, back to the show. Okay. Explore this next part with me. Because [00:21:36] spirit’s been showing me a lesson over the last year, and I’m still trying to navigate it fully where people’s brains operate differently. [00:21:45] So some people, when something is triggering or a big situation comes up in life, or maybe it’s not even big, maybe it’s small, but [00:21:54] it’s just really annoying and frustrating.

[00:21:56] Their mind spins on it where they’ll go to bed thinking about it, they ruminate on it. They [00:22:03] can’t get their done work done in the day because it’s just stressing them out. They keep thinking about it and they can’t get the mind, even if they’re a [00:22:12] person who’s done a lot of spiritual work. It’s like the brain type.

[00:22:16] This is how their brain is operating. Mm. They can’t get [00:22:21] their, their brain to jump off of that rumination track and onto another track. Not all people have this. There’s a lot of people who are [00:22:30] like, well, that’s just easy. You know, you think about a different thing or you just go do something else and they don’t have that big issue.

[00:22:37] Have you seen this [00:22:39] come up at all? And for people who are more ruminators, which kind of can pull them out of. [00:22:48] All of like the beautiful spiritual work that they’ve done and their practice. Have you found anything to help them [00:22:57] shift

[00:22:59] Scott: first? I would, I, what I would say is I actually think most people are ruminators.

[00:23:04] I think that, do you, [00:23:06] I’ll tell you. I mean, I do, I think if. To varying degrees, but I think if, if you’re triggered in such a way, I mean, [00:23:15] I spent two days ruminating around a conflict with a dear loved one, and I was just watching my mind unable to [00:23:24] stop thinking about it. And I’ve got lots of tools in my toolkit.

[00:23:27] Yeah. And I could not stop thinking about it. And I would take myself away from the thought and come [00:23:33] right back to the thought. And for, for myself, when I’m in those moments, one. I know that eventually I’m going to stop thinking about it. Mm-hmm. So there’s, for [00:23:42] me the mantra, this Too Shall Pass, has been a mantra that has served me well, especially when the tools that I have in my toolkit are not helping [00:23:51] me and I’m, I’m caught in the cycle of suffering.

[00:23:54] I’m the hamster on the wheel.

[00:23:55] Yeah. Just

[00:23:56] Scott: really remembering that nothing lasts forever. Like [00:24:00] nothing, you know? So not even the rumination, but to people in the moment of rumination. You know, what I, what I really recommend for people just in general [00:24:09] is to start bringing a lot of awareness to the different practices that actually serve you.

[00:24:15] So to your question, I would say for [00:24:18] some, I might advise them depending who they are and my experience of them and what I’m intuiting to get really, really physical. To get into [00:24:27] your body like that is one way that we can help ourselves out of our mind, and that might look like for one person, I mean like really actively running or lifting [00:24:36] weights or pumping, like really, really getting into your body and giving energy over to that which is likely to take you outta your mind.

[00:24:43] For me, walks in nature [00:24:45] is the single greatest thing I can do for myself to create a sense of peace. For others, it might be meditation. For others, I would recommend grab a [00:24:54] journal and start writing, because if you can go pen to paper mm-hmm. That is automatically gonna take you off the hamster wheel of just spinning in your mental thought and [00:25:03] what you’re, what you’re likely potentially to find if you do that.

[00:25:07] Is through writing, you start to open up to different perspectives that you’re not able to [00:25:12] do when you’re just caught in the thinking cycle of things. And even though writing is a thinking thing, the action of actually writing, and it sounds [00:25:21] like you’re a writer too, so you probably know this from your experience.

[00:25:24] You open different doorways. To different perspectives and different realizations [00:25:30] that you’re not gonna necessarily get when you’re just spinning around in your mind. When we’re spinning like that, we’re just going through the same thoughts again and again, and again, and again and again. [00:25:39] Yeah. So there are a whole host of different practices and tools we can play with, but the, the important thing is for each person.

[00:25:47] To [00:25:48] start bringing awareness to the tools that work for them. Mm-hmm. And then prioritizing those things. Like I can say to everyone, meditation’s a great thing. And I [00:25:57] think it is. And you know what? Meditation isn’t great for everybody. Sure. I don’t even, I don’t even personally, like meditation’s not my favorite thing.

[00:26:04] It’s not the thing I respond to [00:26:06] as well as walks in nature. Sure. It’s like that is a meditation that takes me a whole different place. But for some meditation’s gonna be a great thing. For some, [00:26:15] getting to the gym and really, really sweating it out is gonna be, but the perfect thing. And for others, like staring at a wall.

[00:26:22] For others, people are [00:26:24] so busy and productive and the the best thing they could possibly do for themselves is just to take a break, not even to meditate, just to sit on [00:26:33] their butts and stare straight ahead and do absolutely nothing. So it’s really about playing, getting curious. [00:26:42] Exploring and playing with a host of different practices and tools, and then checking in with yourself, checking in with your body, checking in with your, your nervous [00:26:51] system, and seeing which of these things really helps you, and then giving more energy to the ones that do.

[00:26:57] Julie: I’m gonna try that because when I ruminate on [00:27:00] stuff, I tend to find that I come to like three things that I feel like I want or I need out of it, which is like, I wanna feel [00:27:09] acknowledged, like someone sees me, they validate you. I wanna feel acknowledged in like, okay, I see that that caused you pain and I wanna [00:27:18] find like a mutual.

[00:27:19] Uh, solution or resolution and adulting is kind of hard [00:27:27] because you don’t always get those things in conflict. Like you don’t always get to that point, but we have to move beyond.

[00:27:35] Scott: You [00:27:36] often don’t get those things right? Yeah. Like, like, because what you’re speaking to, the first two things you named. Are wanting someone else to [00:27:45] show up differently, which is what you have zero control over.

[00:27:49] Right? Exactly. And it’s, it’s the most frustrating thing for all of us, especially in the context of, [00:27:54] of relationships. Like, like we’re, uh, well, I’ll speak for myself. I, you know, I’ve been in several relationships and not just romantic [00:28:03] relationships with friends, with family members. Always, you know, often wanting them to show up differently than how they’re showing up and being completely [00:28:12] frustrated that they’re not, and having expectations of them.

[00:28:15] And then I, I, I’ve learned this, and it’s not to say that I’ve mastered this in any way, but what I [00:28:21] know is that when I’m placing expectations on others, I’m automatically setting myself up for suffering. Because, because especially when they’re not [00:28:30] promising what I’m expecting of them, like wanting someone to communicate.

[00:28:34] In a, for, for me in a better way when they, [00:28:39] that isn’t who they are and it’s not how they communicate. Yeah. Is setting myself up for suffering. So the question I might ask myself in that context is, [00:28:48] first and foremost, I. If I am engaged in a relationship where I don’t feel like my needs are being met,

[00:28:56] [00:28:57] mm-hmm.

[00:28:57] Scott: Is it going to be pos, how can I go about having my needs met in a way that feels good for me? So I would explore that, [00:29:06] communicate that, and then then the, the really important question also is. Is it, what is, [00:29:15] how do I wanna say this? Uh, how I wanna frame it is that one of the questions I get asked more than any other, through emails and in sessions and whatever else [00:29:24] is some version of, I’m in a really toxic relationship, what should I do?

[00:29:30] And to that, I don’t, I don’t try to. Tell people [00:29:33] what to do in their relationships. But I do encourage people to ask themselves, why am I choosing to stay in a relationship that I am deeming [00:29:42] toxic? Hmm. Like, why am I choosing to stay in a relationship where I feel disrespected?

[00:29:48] Mm-hmm. Like,

[00:29:48] Scott: why am I making the choice?

[00:29:50] [00:29:51] Because that’s where my power lives. My power lives in my capacity to make change in my life. And if I’m engaging with someone and viewing that relationship as [00:30:00] toxic, I can assure you what I am bringing to that relationship is also toxic. Mm-hmm. There is no possibility that I am [00:30:09] experiencing a toxic relationship without also bringing something toxic to it.

[00:30:13] It’s more like understanding that just the, just the [00:30:18] perspective. Yeah. That what I’m experiencing is toxic. Yeah. Is toxic. Like, why am I, why am I continuing to show up for this thing that I’m, [00:30:27] I’m seeing as toxic? There’s no way I could be showing up as open-hearted right as I would want to be or as compassionately as I would want to be.

[00:30:34] Julie: Or I wrote down the [00:30:36] question that you said, how can I go about getting my needs met in a way that feels good to me? And maybe the other question is, when you’re in that position, what do [00:30:45] I need in order to return to a state of love?

[00:30:48] Scott: Yeah, that’s a gr uh, that’s a great first question. Like, what do you need?

[00:30:52] And then it, then the, the, [00:30:54] the deeper exploration is, am I able to get those needs met with this person? Mm-hmm. And then the deeper exploration is if you [00:31:03] find that you’re not able. To get those needs met. What are you gonna do about it? Am I going, am I able to find peace? Without these needs [00:31:12] being met, am I able to find joy without these needs being met?

[00:31:15] Can I find these needs? Can I get these needs met by other people? Mm-hmm. That will allow me [00:31:21] to stay in a peaceful resonance with this person who’s not meeting those needs. And the thing about that, Julia, is so I feel like so often we’re not. We’re not asking ourselves these [00:31:30] tougher questions because we don’t, we don’t want to face the answers.

[00:31:33] Mm-hmm. It’s like people don’t want to face the answer of, no, I’m not gonna get my needs [00:31:39] met, and no, I’m not gonna find peace without getting them met. Because then the, the response to that, if you really want to show up courageously. [00:31:48] Maybe it’s time to move on from this relationship. Right. And that is a really painful thing to face for a lot of us.

[00:31:54] Even. Even those of us who are [00:31:57] in relationships we view as toxic. Even that is more comfortable for many than making a change, which the unknown is so scary and [00:32:06] uncomfortable that so many of us stay in these unhealthy. Experiences just to avoid having to change anything

[00:32:12] Julie: a hundred percent. I totally see, and that ties back to [00:32:15] where you were, like, do you see it from that perspective and that I really can, um, I, I said this before in the podcast, but I think it bears saying again, I’ve [00:32:24] had a lot of talks with my counselor this year where she said, you know, Julie, how many sessions have we had, you know, talking [00:32:33] about this one thing?

[00:32:34] I don’t know, five, seven, you know, how. Maybe it’s two. I don’t know. Um, but [00:32:42] uh, she’s like, okay, how many per has the other person had, you know, with their counselor? None. They don’t have a counselor. They don’t really want to [00:32:51] look at this. And she said, that’s a really great indicator right there of where the relationship is because if you’re [00:33:00] really going into it.

[00:33:01] Wanting to better yourself, wanting to get help. Um, and the other person really isn’t [00:33:09] wanting to better themselves, then they’re really just in a state of wanting to complain and be in that energy.

[00:33:17] Scott: [00:33:18] Mm-hmm. That’s tough. If that’s the case, look, I, I don’t, I try not to like. Apply rules to for sure. [00:33:27] In in part because I know couples where one person is on a very conscious spiritual path and the other one is [00:33:36] completely unengaged in that and they’re doing great.

[00:33:39] Yeah. You know? Oh, for sure. And, and I know couples

[00:33:41] Scott: where the reason they broke up. [00:33:45] Was exactly that reason. One person was invested in growth and the other person wasn’t, and they just, they evolved away from each other. Yeah. It [00:33:54] just wasn’t going to work. Yeah. So, so anything can work. Yeah. And it really just comes back to what are you okay with?

[00:34:02] Like, [00:34:03] like what, what are, what is, what feels good to your heart for sure. What feels good to your being and, and then making choices. [00:34:12] To serve that. Yeah. And trusting that. The thing about self-love, ’cause a lot of the work I do these days is really focused on self-love. ’cause I, I [00:34:21] believe so deeply the relationship we have with ourselves informs our relationship with everyone and everything else.

[00:34:27] And that, that self-love [00:34:30] never. Stops with self because love is such a transcendent energy that when, when you’re, when you’re working on yourself, you are of service [00:34:39] to everyone in your life. It’s the only possibility with love, and it’s why I am such a big fan of that energy. It is, it is all serving. It’s pure positive, it’s [00:34:48] abundant, it’s, it is expansive.

[00:34:49] It’s amazing. Right? And so, so. I don’t even know where I was going with that, with, uh, I, I [00:34:57] lost my train of thought. But essentially, if you are, if you are prioritizing your relationship with yourself and bringing [00:35:06] to yourself consistently and with commitment, endless compassion, forgiveness, and grace. You can trust [00:35:15] first and foremost that you’re gonna be able to offer that to others in a deeper way.

[00:35:18] That’s been my experience, and it’s what I see in the world. Um, and you can, and, and, and part of [00:35:24] what I see in the world and all of this just violence and injustice and insanity that we’re seeing on so many levels, when [00:35:33] I tune into it, so much of what I see is just. Deep self-loathing in so many people.

[00:35:39] People who are so afraid to [00:35:42] be with themselves in a loving way, and to honor what feels most authentic within them, that they want to stifle that truth in other people. [00:35:51] And if we could just start teaching kids, you know, from day one, like, you gotta love yourself, baby. [00:36:00] And that means like, for me, loving myself means even when I’m not loving myself.

[00:36:05] Being like finding grace, even when I’m not showing [00:36:09] up. In healthy ways, remembering that I’m human and part of being human is not showing up in healthy ways. Part of being human is not [00:36:18] taking care of myself the way I would ideally like to. It’s only when I shame myself for those actions that I create suffering in my experience.

[00:36:26] [00:36:27] And I think that is, like for me, what I’ve seen inside of myself and what I see in in others is that so often the suffering we are [00:36:36] feeling is not. It’s not about what we’re doing, it’s about how we’re judging what we’re doing, and if we can just practice it, [00:36:45] removing the judgment, all we’re left with is what we’re doing.

[00:36:48] And as an example of that, like I love ice cream. I’ve, I can eat a pin of ice [00:36:54] cream in one sitting, no problem for so many years of my life. I would be eating the ice cream, and I know I’m gonna finish the pint, and then the judgment [00:37:03] starts, you’re a pig. You’re not taking care of yourself. This is disgusting.

[00:37:06] What’s wrong with you? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it’s like I’ve learned [00:37:12] now to not give energy to that voice that is out to shame and abuse me, and when I can just. Not pay attention to that voice. All I’m left [00:37:21] with is ice cream, and I love ice cream. Right. And it’s like, what happens if we play with that, with all the ways we’re shaming and judging ourselves?

[00:37:29] What happens if [00:37:30] we just start creating distance between our experience and the voice that wants to judge our experience? Suddenly you’re just left with, I watched [00:37:39] seven hours of Netflix again. Okay. Right. It’s like that doesn’t make me a horrible person. It just makes me a person who needed to watch seven hours of Netflix.[00:37:48]

[00:37:48] Right. Yeah. And you’re, and that’s all it is. Yeah. And then, and, and for me, that’s the great gift of self-love. It’s acknowledging our humanity within everything we’re [00:37:57] doing. And not, not to justify bad behavior, but just to acknowledge that you’re human, everything you’re thinking, everything you’re [00:38:06] speaking, everything you’re doing is human to think, speak and do, or you wouldn’t be doing it.

[00:38:10] And can you just practice it, giving yourself grace. And if you do, [00:38:15] you’re gonna be much more likely to give others grace when they’re in their humanity in the ways that frustrate you or offend you or whatever else. Yeah. It’s like [00:38:24] shine it on yourself first. And I, I swear to you, you’ll be able to shine it more readily on others.

[00:38:29] Julie: So I just wanna clarify for the podcast audience that I wasn’t talking about, [00:38:33] like a partnership relationship thing, um, but I love what you were talking about with shame and. Suffering in our experience how [00:38:42] when we’re judging what we’re doing, we’re really bringing that shame upon ourselves more. And I have to believe that it’s more like a muscle building, a [00:38:51] muscle that that critic and that judge is just always there.

[00:38:54] And the more that you step out of shame and out of suffering, it doesn’t go away at first, [00:39:00] but it like lessens over time as you work that muscle.

[00:39:04] Scott: The muscle for me is the love. Mm-hmm. Like I see self-love as a skill. Mm. And [00:39:09] like any skill, the more you practice at it, the better you become. And so for me, what I’ve, what I’ve also discovered, ’cause half my life I’ve.

[00:39:17] [00:39:18] Been, you know, quote unquote working on myself and on a spiritual path, and my mind is no different. So for me, it’s not about changing my mind, it’s [00:39:27] about transforming my relationship to my mind. It’s not about expecting my ego to show up differently. It’s about changing my relationship [00:39:36] to my ego when it shows up as it is, that’s where our power lives.

[00:39:39] It’s like my mind is as neurotic as it’s ever been. It’s as envious as it’s ever been. [00:39:45] I’m just not ruled by the envy the way I used to be. I’m not ruled by the neurosis in the same way because I am practicing at just [00:39:54] observing it. Just acknowledging it. And, and honestly with a curiosity and with a nonchalance that has really served me.

[00:40:00] When my mind is doing its insane [00:40:03] dance and telling me all these horrible things about myself, it’s like, wow, look at that. Like, look at literally, this is how I talk to myself. It’s like, wow, my mind is [00:40:12] tripping right now. Look at, look at that and, and what it does for me is it. That you were talking about being on the hamster wheel, that that is one way that I [00:40:21] interrupt the energy of that rumination.

[00:40:24] It’s just with curiosity and with an understanding that I am not [00:40:30] one wave. I am the ocean. You know, it’s like we believe our thoughts and then we become the wave and then we are suffering. But when you become the [00:40:39] ocean, when you recognize just how beautifully expansive your energy is, you can hold all the thoughts of your mind [00:40:48] without suffering.

[00:40:49] And I say that as oat simple. It’s not, I have not mastered this, but I play with it all the time and, and what it’s created for me is the [00:40:57] gap. Between my mental self abuse and returning to self-love continues to shrink and shrink and shrink. [00:41:06] And so I’m not spinning out in this shame and self-loathing for nearly as long as I used to be.

[00:41:11] And that for me is how I know this, this works, [00:41:15] this, this practice is it, it works because I’m living in a state of self-love and grace so much more often than I ever was before. [00:41:24] And I’m just gonna, and like I don’t expect to become enlightened. I don’t expect to become. A person who is always enveloped in love, [00:41:33] but I do expect to become more and more loving.

[00:41:35] And to, to what you said at the very beginning. I re I, I resonate so deeply with this. I long [00:41:42] for peace as much or more than I long for everything. You use the word ease, which for me resonates with that, that sense of peacefulness. That’s what I’m seeking in my [00:41:51] life, and I see love as one of the pathways to just fostering greater peace.

[00:41:56] Julie: So a great way to see this, I think just as a snapshot [00:42:00] and great thing to talk about at the dinner table tonight, is instead of trying to tame the egoic mind, the [00:42:09] shame monster, the judgment within, be a greater love,

[00:42:13] Scott: just hold it all. It’s like the, there’s a spiritual metaphor, like I said, the ocean in the ways, [00:42:18] but also it’s like become the sky.

[00:42:20] Yeah. And let all of your thoughts are just the weather. The sky is, the sky holds it all.

[00:42:25] Mm-hmm. With

[00:42:26] Scott: no [00:42:27] resistance. With no struggle. And the weather does what the weather’s gonna do. Our thoughts are, are the weather, but you are the sky and, and I [00:42:36] think when we can really come to understand, we are not our minds.

[00:42:40] We are not our thoughts. Our mind. The way I view my mind these [00:42:45] days is the way I view my hand. It’s like my hand waves, my hand can make a fist. It doesn’t define me

[00:42:52] right? But

[00:42:52] Scott: we let ourselves be [00:42:54] defined by the things we’re thinking. But your mind is just doing what every other human mind on the planet does, and you are it.

[00:43:01] It doesn’t define [00:43:03] you unless you let it define you. These are just minds thinking. Don’t be ruled by it. And I mean, I, and again, I know that’s so much [00:43:12] easier said than done, but it is possible to create that detachment from what you’re thinking and to play in the observer state and to [00:43:21] just recognize this is just a mind thinking thoughts.

[00:43:24] Julie: Mm. I’m wondering, I am curious, you know, you mentioned [00:43:30] the biggest questions that you get from your audience. What, what other questions that we haven’t covered today are some [00:43:39] of like, what’s one or two of the biggest other questions that you see people struggling with or that you get asked?

[00:43:46] Scott: Self love.

[00:43:47] Love. [00:43:48] Self love. Yeah. I don’t, I don’t know how to love myself.

[00:43:50] Julie: Yeah.

[00:43:51] Scott: And um. To that, I want to, I would say a few things for anyone out there [00:43:57] who feels that they do not know how to love themselves. One. Okay. One thing I want to say is that it is [00:44:06] always only what we do from this moment on that matters the most, which is to say that.

[00:44:12] Even if you have not been able to love yourself [00:44:15] for 10 or 20 or 30 or 40 years, here you are right now. If you’re listening to this podcast and this lovely woman who is speaking about all [00:44:24] these topics week in and week out, this is an act of self-love. So you actually do know how to love yourself. And I think what we do often [00:44:33] is we take for granted the ways that we are loving ourselves.

[00:44:36] In our everyday lives, when you are brushing your teeth, you are loving yourself. When you are preparing [00:44:42] yourself food, you are loving yourself. When you are putting on clothes that make you feel good, you are loving yourself. And the more we take time to acknowledge these moments that [00:44:51] we actually are caring for ourselves in a loving way, it’s all just energy.

[00:44:55] And this for me is the thing that like the most woo woo among us and the most [00:45:00] scientific among us, seem to agree that everything here is energy. So you can trust that if you are taking time to acknowledge the ways [00:45:09] you are loving yourself, that you are building momentum around more moments of self-love, because that’s what energy does.

[00:45:16] It builds [00:45:18] momentum and I. I would also encourage people, because love, love doesn’t go anywhere, right? Like, so if [00:45:27] you’re not engaging with the love within you, if you’re not engaging with self-love, it’s not that it’s not within you, it’s that it’s buried beneath. [00:45:36] A whole host of your, it’s buried beneath your whole life.

[00:45:40] Whatever traumas are preventing it, whatever fears, whatever insecurities, whatever messaging [00:45:45] from the world around you that’s telling you something about yourself, that is certainly not true. If it’s in any way suggesting you are unworthy or less than or [00:45:54] not enough. Those are all lies and, and beneath all those lies, there is a place within you that sees you as [00:46:03] a worthy.

[00:46:04] Whole strong, beautiful human being. So if you’re not hearing that voice, I encourage you with [00:46:12] everything. You’ve got to commit to creating a relationship to that voice. And what that looks like for me is literally [00:46:21] write a letter, write letters to and from your heart if you’re not feeling the energy of love.

[00:46:26] Dear love. I need you in my life right now. [00:46:30] Please show up for me. What do you have to say about who I am? These letters of love, Elizabeth Gilbert, who’s a really well-known writer. Yeah, she has a whole [00:46:39] substack that’s devoted to letters of love, and it’s a really beautiful practice. If you can just close your eyes, connect to your heart center and write, and then open your eyes, right [00:46:48] dear.

[00:46:48] Love. What would you have me know right now? And just see what comes through. This is one way to intentionally engage. With the energy of your heart, [00:46:57] prayer is such a beautiful way. Dear heart, I need you. Please show up for me in a way that feels more tangible. [00:47:06] Please tell me things about myself that I’m not able to see through my mind.

[00:47:10] Help me see my beauty, help me see that I am worthy. Like [00:47:15] these are ways to be intentional about playing with the energy and connecting with that space.

[00:47:20] Julie: Scott, are you sure you’re not an Angel Messenger? Because I [00:47:24] think writing letters to love is, um, the angels responding.

[00:47:29] Scott: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Dear Angels, what do you have to say to me [00:47:33] right now?

[00:47:33] But absolutely, like we have, we have so much, even though I said at the beginning, it is true for my experience that I’m not, [00:47:42] I’m not a medium, I’m not like. Hearing clearly the messages, but I believe deeply that there are many non-physical [00:47:51] forces serving all of us. We all have our teams, you know those who have passed in our lives, the angels, the guides, our ancestors, [00:48:00] whoever it is that you feel connected to or called to speak to, bring them into your life and into your story and engage them [00:48:09] and see what gifts they have to offer you.

[00:48:12] Julie: Yeah, and I would add to that too. I mean, oh my gosh, it’s just so beautiful [00:48:18] that if you are a person who’s like Julie, I feel like I can’t hear my angels. I feel like I can’t hear my loved ones on the other side. Right. To love. [00:48:27] And you will hear back from them.

[00:48:28] Mm-hmm.

[00:48:29] Scott: Yeah. I love that. Absolutely. Yeah.

[00:48:31] Julie: Oh my goodness.

[00:48:32] Okay. I have one more quick question and then I’m gonna, um, [00:48:36] have you just share where everybody can find you, your work and your books. But I think so often we talk about what self-love [00:48:45] isn’t. What does self-love to you? What does it actually look like?

[00:48:49] Scott: Uh, what does self-love look like to me? You know, what it looks like.

[00:48:52] Just [00:48:54] holding, holding my humanity in complete. Acceptance and compassion, not needing me to be or [00:49:03] do anything other than I’m being or doing in order to love me and to see and value my worth. It is just [00:49:12] an absolute yes to the whole of me.

[00:49:16] Julie: Yeah. Mm.

[00:49:17] Scott: Yeah.

[00:49:17] Julie: I love that. I love that. Scott, where can everybody find you?

[00:49:20] [00:49:21] Your work in your books?

[00:49:22] Scott: Oh, thank you, Julie. Um, well, the place I would, I would love for you to find me is at my Substack newsletter, which is just scott [00:49:30] stabile.substack.com, and I, about once a week I send out like a new essay usually. Lots of love talk and video teachings and lots of different [00:49:39] things there.

[00:49:39] And if that’s too hard to remember, just go to scotts debil.com and it’ll link you to my Substack newsletter. Yeah. And my books, uh, big Love, and then Enough [00:49:48] as You Are, you can find them hopefully wherever you find books, you know, and Yeah. Yeah.

[00:49:53] Julie: Yeah. Oh, thank you so much. We’re gonna put all of those links in the [00:49:57] show notes below.

[00:49:58] Um, I just can’t tell you how appreciative I am of your work and your books and your amazing Instagram account where you talk about [00:50:06] this as well.

[00:50:07] Scott: Oh, thank you, Julie. Thank you so much. This has been such a joy for me. So thank you. I really.

[00:50:11] Julie: Oh, you’re just like a

[00:50:12] Scott: shining ray of light. Truly. [00:50:15] Thank you,

[00:50:15] Julie: friend.

[00:50:16] Yeah, well come back when your next book comes out.

[00:50:19] Scott: All right, will do.

[00:50:20] Julie: Thank you for being here, beautiful soul. I know in [00:50:24] my heart that you’re not listening to this by accident. Your angels are guiding you, and if you’ve been feeling the pull to go deeper to [00:50:33] trust and develop your gifts to step more into your purpose.

[00:50:37] The time is now. Join me for our next in-person [00:50:42] Angel Reiki school, June 6th through eighth, 2025 in Oakbrook, Illinois, and receive your certification in mediumship, energy healing, and [00:50:51] angel messages all at once. This isn’t just a training, it can help you create a six figure spiritual business or earn extra [00:51:00] income doing sacred work you love.

[00:51:03] Go to the angel medium.com/get certified to reserve your [00:51:09] spot before it fills. And if you can’t travel, remember, our online option starts on the first of each month. And don’t forget, [00:51:18] starting May 11th, we’re launching our newest course inside the Angel membership, the 21 Day Money Miracles Challenge.

[00:51:25] This is a sacred [00:51:27] angel led journey where you’re gonna learn how to call in divine prosperity and align with. Soul level financial expansion. [00:51:36] Your angels wanna show you what’s possible and this challenge is gonna align you with miracles. Join [00:51:45] now@theangelmedium.com slash angel membership and receive your special bonus activation.

[00:51:50] If your soul is craving personal guidance, I have [00:51:54] openings for one-on-one readings with me, where I bring through angel messages and loving connections from the other side. You can book your [00:52:03] session@theangelmedium.com slash readings. This could be the reading that brings you the clarity you’ve been looking for.

[00:52:10] And don’t forget, we’re giving [00:52:12] over 50 free readings to our podcast listeners for the in-person Angel Reiki School students to work on you. All you need to do is [00:52:21] leave a five star positive review of the podcast and send us a copy through the contact form the angel medium.com, and you might be [00:52:30] one who wins before you go.

[00:52:32] Your angels want you to hear this. You’re not behind. You are exactly where you’re meant to [00:52:39] be and everything is unfolding for you in divine time. Start now. Start with [00:52:48] love. Friends, I am sending you so much love. Until next time, know your angels are always with you, guiding [00:52:57] you and cheering you on.