Discover the hidden science behind building life-long relationships in this eye-opening episode with award-winning author David Robson. Did you know strong social connections can reduce your risk of heart disease, boost creativity, and even add years to your life? Yet, many of us unknowingly sabotage our potential for meaningful relationships due to psychological biases like the liking gap and the novelty penalty. David reveals groundbreaking insights from his book, The Laws of Connection, and shares practical, evidence-based strategies to overcome these barriers. Learn how to form deeper bonds, embrace vulnerability through the beautiful mess effect, and use the fast-friendship procedure to create lasting connections. Whether you’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between, this episode will transform how you approach relationships and help you unlock your full social potential. Tune in now to take the first step toward stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling connections!

I’d LOVE to help you to connect with your personal angels all year long in my ALL NEW Angel Membership. A new year begins February 1st. Have questions? Book a personal call with me below and I’d love to chat about our programs!

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello friends. It’s Julie. Today is January 20th, 2025. And Archangel Michael has this very special message he wanted to bring through to you today, friends. He says that so many of you are just really needing strength. So he wants you to know you’re never. Walking this life alone, your path alone, no matter how hard life feels or how uncertain the road ahead might seem, your angels and spirit team are constantly with you, surrounding you with their love, guidance, and strength.

And every moment you’ve struggled, or every time you felt unsure or overwhelmed, especially lately, your angels want you to know that they’ve been with you with your loved ones on the other side, gently nudging you forward and helping you [00:01:00] come into your power. It’s a different, deeper layer of your soul self.

Archangel Michael says you are so resilient and that resilience doesn’t come from being perfect, knowing it all, having all of the answers. No, no, no friend. It comes from your soul’s strength, from that connection to all that is oneness, God, universe source. And you are so supported by your heavenly team.

They see the beauty in you. Even when you can’t see it yourself, they know how hard you’re trying. Even when you feel like you’re not doing enough, they’re here to help you lift all of this heaviness that you’ve been carrying, to help you release those thoughts and feelings weighing on your heart, and to show you that you are so capable of so much more than you [00:02:00] believe right now.

So if you’ve been feeling tested lately, know that it’s not a reflection of failure or, you know, of where your future is headed, friends, your angels are guiding you through these moments to help you grow into this beautiful vision of yourself that you were always meant to be. They’re here showing you how to lean into their support, trust that you’re being led, even when you cannot see the whole plan.

Archangel Michael, in particular, is standing right beside you, right in this moment, right now, I promise you, friends. He is your protector. He’s a protector of your soul. He shields you from the heaviness of fear, of doubt. And he reminds you that resilience doesn’t mean powering through or pretending everything is just fine.

It’s really about trusting your [00:03:00] angels to hold you steady. When life feels like it’s too much, knowing you don’t have to do it all on your own. Your spirit team is inviting you to imagine releasing all that is no longer serving you. Picture yourself. I want you to do this right here, right now. Michael says, picture yourself handing over every fear.

Every doubt, every worry to him, feel the relief of knowing it’s not your job to carry all of these things anymore. Your angels want to take these from you, freeing you to focus on what fills your soul with peace, joy, love, ease, bliss, grace. This week, as you listen to the angels and awakening podcast, and as you move through the energy of this week, notice the subtle ways your angels are speaking to you, they might be [00:04:00] sending you a feeling of calm when you’re feeling stressed, they might send you a feather or a meaningful number, even a gentle thought that reminds you that you’re not alone.

Hey, just take a deep breath. Your spirit team is constantly working to show you that they’re here. They’re holding you. They’re helping you move forward. Friend, you are so deeply loved more than words can express. Your angels see your potential, your courage, the beauty of your soul. They’re walking with you.

They’re cheering you on every step of the way. And they want you to know this, you are capable. Of incredible things. I want you to repeat that to yourself. And I want you to say it to yourself right here, right now. I am capable of incredible things. No matter what you face, your angels believe in you and they’re helping you believe in yourself.

Friends. I just want to remind you that my all new angel membership [00:05:00] with all new content begins February 1st. Friends. This angel membership is a sacred community with unparalleled access to me. And it’s unlike. Any other membership out there, because really it’s a year long program that gives you tools and skills that you can never unlearn, just like reading, uh, or riding a bike for the rest of your life.

You’ll know exactly how your angels and loved ones in heaven are working with you so that you never have to second guess yourself again, and you always know which way to turn in life, because I’ve taught you how to access your own Personal angels, your soul self, and the divine wisdom within you to help you in every area of your life.

That’s what you get out of this year. When you join our all new angel membership friends. If you have a question about this or one of my [00:06:00] programs, hop on a call with me. I have personal calls set up in the show notes below. All you have to do is press this little link in the show notes and you can book a personal call with me.

I’ll walk you through everything and your angels and I will help you know which program and services. Is right for you. All right, friends, we have a beautiful episode for you today. It’s all about deepening your connections and really friends are angels say that our connections to other people are one of the biggest reasons why we’re here.

I’m just going to say this too. It’s another reason why the angel membership is so special. I cannot tell you how many people over a hundred that I have heard say to me, Julie, I don’t have anybody else to talk to about. This in my life, angels, loved ones on the other side, my spirituality. I don’t have anyone else to talk to about it.

And friends, [00:07:00] we have so much community. I have spent the last five years studying community, studying how to bring people together, testing different things. And we’ve got down the magic formula. Now we have a community for you to dive into. All new angel membership starting February 1st, and you are going to get so much out of this year.

I hope that if you have any questions, you hop on a call with me so that yeah, your angels and I can help you figure it out. Now let’s dive into today’s episode. Hello, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the angels and awakening podcast. I’m your host and author, Julie Jancius and friends. I read. Uh, today’s guests book this summer and, um, we hadn’t heard back from him.

And so I had to reach out another time and just say, can we please, please give David on the show, um, because I think that the. topic that he has researched here and his [00:08:00] work, um, is just so desperately needed by this world, especially today. Um, his name is David Robson and his book is The Laws of Connection, The Scientific Secret of Connection.

Secret of building a strong social network and friends. You know, I try and read as many books as I can. I am listing this within the top five that I’ve read in 2024. So David, I’m so excited to have you here. Thank you. It’s completely my pleasure. Thanks for the invitation and the kind introduction. Yeah.

Um, what I see, and we don’t have to go into what your beliefs are, but what I believe is that, you know, everybody says when you pass away that you don’t take anything with you. But I don’t believe that that’s true. I believe that the love and the connection that we share heart to heart, soul to soul is something that [00:09:00] we.

absolutely do take to the other side, um, which is why I believe your work and your, your book is just so incredibly important. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, I also think, you know, the connections that we’ve had with other people, the, um, things we’ve made them feel, you know, that is our legacy. that we leave behind as well.

And I think that, you know, even the strangers that we meet, you know, our vague acquaintances, you know, our interactions could be just like really key moments in their lives in ways that we might not even recognise. And so that’s why I think it’s really important that we do bring out the best in ourselves to make sure that we are making the most of those connections and making them as meaningful and powerful as possible.

Yeah. So I want to dig into that, but first I want to ask, um, tell everybody, what is the scientific research to connection and why is it so needed? Yeah, I mean, uh, it’s really difficult to [00:10:00] overestimate the importance of connection because it is so powerful. Um, so we can have lots of these, what we call, uh, longitudinal studies that follow thousands of participants over, uh, decades of their lives.

And you can, by studying their lifestyle, you can start to predict what’s going to be most important for predicting a long and healthy life. And, you know, there’s so many factors that we are already familiar with. So things like exercise, um, you know, healthy eating. you know, not, not smoking, not drinking to excess.

All of these things are really important. But what really comes out of this research time and time again is that social connection is as important as all of those other lifestyle factors, you know, and when you ask people to list what You know, what’s going to bring you a healthy life? Like, people often do say that social connection is important, but they never, um, estimate just how important it is.

They never put it right at the top of that list, and yet that’s what this research [00:11:00] really shows us, is that it should be our number one priority. Amazing. I think that they’re, you know, they have those blue zones around the world. Um, one of those studies was, uh, I forget exactly where it was, but they found that they did drink, you know, and they did do a lot of the other stuff, but that the relationships were so great that they were living longer than other places.

Right, exactly. I mean, that’s very common actually. So yeah, I visited one of the blue zones in Sardinia, um, you know, the island off of, um, off of Italy. And yeah, you know, they do drink, I wouldn’t say excessively, but definitely like wine as part of their diet. Um, and you know, they, Obviously, they’ve lived quite, um, kind of active lives.

A lot of them are farmers. But the one thing that really does seem to define them is social connection, and especially social connection. In old age, you know, these people are very connected to their communities, they’re very well respected, they have active roles [00:12:00] within their communities. And so I do think that is a really key ingredient to their longevity in those regions.

So I think one thing that happens as you’re, you’re a married person, um, is you learn how to become a more healthy communicator. You learn how to become more healthily connected to another person. Um, is there any study or research behind, um, healthy relationships versus just any relationship at all? Yeah, there is.

I mean, and actually, this is really crucial. So it’s not just the number of relationships that we have, the number of friendships we have, but it’s absolutely also the quality of those friendships that’s so crucial. And, you know, we can divide relationships into three broad groups. So one would be the very aversive people that are just kind of consistently unpleasant.

So you don’t want them in your life. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes we might come across them, we might live near [00:13:00] someone who’s a bit unpleasant, or work with someone. But, because they’re so consistently unpleasant, you can kind of discount them, like, you know, to avoid them. Um, then you have the purely supportive people, and those are the, you know, these are the people we should really cherish.

So someone you can always rely on to be positive, and empathetic, and kind, and supportive. Um, so, yeah. But the really, um, fascinating group to me is, um, these kind of what we call ambivalent relationships in the middle. So they’re a bit like, um, Jekyll and Hyde characters who can sometimes be nice, sometimes be nasty.

Having a conversation with them is this kind of, uh, Russian roulette where you just don’t know. You know, what they’re going to bring to the table in that conversation. Um, they’re often nice enough that we can feel quite a strong connection to them, and we do really value them, which is why when they are quite nasty, it can really hurt.

Um, and so what the research shows is that these people are actually pretty bad for our [00:14:00] health still. Um, they’re actually worse for us than the purely aversive people because we really struggle with that uncertainty. Um, And so I think this tells us two things. One is, you know, if you realise you do have a lot of these ambivalent relationships in your life, well, you might try to think about ways you can manage those relationships a bit better.

So one of the things that I do in my own life is, you know, I don’t want to cut those people out of my social network, because sometimes I really love them, but I can know to maybe limit, you know, How often I see them, or to make sure that if I’m already feeling quite stressed, that I don’t then kind of incorporate that stress into my day as well, you know, I might make sure that I only see them when I’m already feeling quite robust and resilient.

But I think just as fundamentally, it really does remind us, you know, we’ve got to be consistent in our own behaviours too. So, You know, we can learn how to manage our moods if we do think we’re the kind of person who can some sometimes, you know, um, [00:15:00] Uh lash out if we’re angry or impatient and you know, we can try to conquer those habits.

Um, Or you know another thing that um, these ambivalent relationships can do which I think i’ve sometimes been guilty of it’s just being a bit Neglectful, you know people have come to depend on us and then because we’re busy with something else. We maybe don’t um, You You know, don’t reply to their messages quickly enough, um, you know, forget their birthdays, all of those kinds of things.

We can try to conquer those habits as well to make sure that we’re always showing people the appreciation that they deserve. Yeah, absolutely. Um, And I feel like that purely supportive role doesn’t mean that you don’t ever get into disagreements, but, um, that you’re, you always feel backed and maybe it’s an unconditional love that you feel from that person, that you, you might have disagreements, but you’re going to work through them.

And 99. 9 percent of the time, [00:16:00] it’s this beautiful, healthy relationship. Yeah, that’s exactly it. Like, absolutely, I think disagreement is really fundamental for relationships that we, um, to have a good relationship with someone, we really need to feel that honesty is the kind of founding principle, because this is what the psychological research shows us is that we, we want to have what we call a shared reality, where we know that we’re kind of Processing the world in the same way fundamentally, um, and you can’t have that if you’re not actually telling the truth to someone.

So if someone suspects you’re being dishonest, it kind of, um, causes really deep fractures in the sense of shared reality because, you know, they might be hiding loads of stuff that you don’t know. So, um, so, you know, sometimes it’s inevitable that we’ll disagree, but the best thing we can do when we, when we disagree is to have open, honest and curious conversations about the source of the disagreement.

So really. trying to, [00:17:00] um, understand the other person without judgment and work out what we do share in common. Even if we disagree, there’s probably underlying principles or values that we can agree on. And so it’s really focusing on those. You know, you touched on a lot here that I want to go back to, but you said that we hide ourselves.

other people. And I think that as empaths, I think there’s a lot of highly sensitive, empathic people who are listening to this right now. Um, they. Might find themselves in relationships, hiding part of themselves, not knowing exactly why they’re doing that, but that might be a key indicator to those people that they don’t feel completely safe being fully themselves in that relationship.

Um, do you think that that’s the case and how would you manage that? I think [00:18:00] that’s a tricky one. So I do, I think you kind of should reflect on why you feel that way. Now, it could be that you haven’t given the other person enough opportunity to show that they are worthy of your trust, and that you are able to share yourself completely with them.

You know, while still remaining safe from criticism or judgment. Um, but I think also you could ask, you know, how, maybe it’s the, the complete opposite. Like, maybe this person has proven to you that they don’t deserve that trust. And then I think that is one of these cases where you could decide to talk openly about those events.

Um, or you might, think about different ways of managing the relationship, you know, like, um, questioning, you know, whether you, um, do want to remain as close to this person as you are, if you can’t share the whole of yourself. Because, you know, I think, ideally, we do want to be able to share [00:19:00] everything about ourselves with another person.

It doesn’t mean we always want to spend all of our time with them. And I think highly sensitive people, you know, might need, solitude as well. And that is fine. Like you can, like, love someone dearly, but you also just want to have some time on your own to recharge. But I think if you find that you’re with someone and you’re constantly, um, you know, like, um, shielding yourself, and pretending to be someone that you’re not, then I think you might ask yourself why that is because um, you know, the, the connection is not as deep as it can be compared to when you are being totally authentic.

For those who might question because they didn’t have an upbringing with it, they’re not sure if they’ve found that right relationship with it yet, how do you define That quality relationship that quality healthy relationship. Yeah, I mean, it’s what we’re all looking for. Right. [00:20:00] So, I think this comes back to this idea of shared reality.

And so I could go into a few more details of that because, you know, I was blown away by this research when I discovered it, it really does. Um, tell you quite profoundly what we are looking for in the ideal, um, relationships, whether that’s with friends or, uh, romantic partners, family, you know, the whole group, the whole bundle of relationships, really.

And, um, what shared reality is, it’s, um, it’s the sense that, like, The other person is just operating in the same way as you. So they are not just viewing the world in the same way as you, but they’re processing it in the same way. So they’re feeling the same things at the same events. They’re thinking the same things at the same time as you.

And so we can measure that in lots of different ways. Um, One is by asking people, you know, like, How often do you find that you’re finishing the other person’s sentences? or, um, that [00:21:00] you say the same thing at the same time, or that you laugh at the same time as the other person. Um, you know, it could be that you both, um, when listening to the same song, that you both kind of find yourself, your eyes filling with tears at exactly the same bar, you know.

Now, we’re never going to find someone who is our identical twin, who is always reacting, you know, across, uh, like, every event in exactly the same way, but what the research shows very clearly is that the more of those events you have, each one can be quite small, but just the more of them that you have and that you accumulate with your time together, um, the closer you will feel to that person, the more committed you’ll feel to that person, the more you’ll trust them, the more you’ll be willing to act altruistically towards them.

You know, In some ways when we have that shared reality it feels like that other person really is a part of ourselves. Um, and so we’re much more likely to be generous and kind towards them as well. Um, and so for me that is what I’m looking [00:22:00] for, you know, my friends and my, um, family and what, you know, I want to share with my partner is knowing that we, that we do have this kind of bond that means that, you know, so many moments of life, we’ve had this sense that we in some way have a merged mind.

That’s how the researchers themselves describe it. It’s like having a merged mind. And, you know, It’s even literal, this metaphor, because you can actually scan people’s brains, and you find that the more, um, the more similarities you find in their brain activity when they’re watching, like, a series of YouTube videos, the closer they are.

You can predict the nature of the friendship based on the neural activity that you observe, because those similarities are so key for forming that shared reality. Exciting updates on the angels and awakening podcast. Hi, beautiful soul. We’ve got so much happening and I can’t wait to share it with you.

First, our all new angel membership begins this February. Are you ready [00:23:00] to deepen your connection with your angels and loved ones, receive their guidance and manifest the life you’ve been dreaming of? The angel membership is back with an incredible new course each month, live events with me each week and a loving, sacred community of women.

Don’t wait, join us and step into your year of miracles. Second is your chance to be featured on the podcast or social media. For a limited time, we’re filming a few readings for the podcast, and I’ve got a special offer in the show notes just for you, if you allow your reading to air. Sharing your reading isn’t just brave.

It’s a gift to the world. Hearing others angelic guidance inspires and uplifts listeners, often helping them receive answers for their own lives, and now you can hear those readings on Thursdays. Third, the angel Reiki school is back enroll and get a [00:24:00] special bonus. If you’ve been feeling called to step into your spiritual gifts, help others heal and work directly with angelic energy.

Now is the time. Our next online angel Reiki school class begins on the first of the month. And when you sign up today, you get a bonus. You’ll receive free tuition for our in person training at one of our spring or fall dates. That’s right. You can choose from two in person options to take your learning even deeper.

Sign up today and you get access today. What’s the difference between the membership and the school? The membership is designed to help you build your personal relationship with your angels so you always have access to life guidance from them. The school, on the other hand, is for those who feel called to become healers, certifying you in mediumship, angel messages, and energy healing all at once.

These bonuses won’t last long. Don’t know where to [00:25:00] start? Book a call with me personally using the link in the episode show notes, and your angels will help guide you to what’s best for you. I’m so excited to work with you. Thank you for supporting me. This podcast, you can learn everything over at the angel medium.

com. Now we’re diving back into the show. And at the end, I have an all new healing for you to connect with your angels. A lot of the work that I do is an energy healing too. And I believe that energy kind of is the language of the universe that you can feel a lot into information from energy. And a lot of times I’ll be in session with another person and.

As a parent, you’re not supposed to love one child more than the other. And I don’t think it’s a matter of loving one more than the other, but there’s just, um, that sense of energy that one child is more like you than the other. And you [00:26:00] can feel how much deeper that bond runs between the parent and the child, because of that shared reality.

Um, and I do wonder how it impacts grief, like when we lose that person that we’ve really shared reality with, um, who just gets us unlike anybody else. Is the pain at a different level in grief when we lose that? Yeah, I’m really glad you brought that up because I, like I really believe it is. So one of the things that people that these researchers had found with these studies on shared reality was the fact that being with that person makes events feel more real in some way, like it intensifies events.

So you could have, you know, you’re eating a meal and if you’re with the other person, it feels more nourishing having that [00:27:00] meal, like the physical sensations of the meal. feel more real because you’re sharing it with this other person and they’re kind of mirroring it back to you, the enjoyment. Um, and so I think if you lose someone who you’ve spent a lifetime with that person, and you suddenly lose that, it is like you are losing a part of yourself or a part of your mind.

And you know, the world I think suddenly starts to feel just very kind of grey in comparison compared to how multi coloured and vibrant it had been when you had. that person beside you to share all of those experiences. And, you know, that in itself is a terrible loss. And then I think we rely on, um, you know, those special people in our lives, um, almost as a form of memory, you know, to reminisce with them about the things that we’d shared together.

And sometimes we almost partition our memories, you know, like we rely on them to remember details that we don’t remember ourselves. And so when they’re gone. You’re losing all [00:28:00] of that as well, and it really is then like you’re losing a part of your mind, and I think that’s so devastating. Um, and you know, that’s why grief is so difficult to overcome, but I think, you know, one of the things that when people move through grief that they can start to do is to really cherish what they did have with that person.

They can keep those memories that they do have alive, and that, you know, recognizing how much they’ve shaped the way that they experience the world can itself be a beautiful thing. Yeah. Well, and I know that there are some people who are so, so incredibly blessed to, um, really just have a big family growing up where they feel these deep shared connections with so many people in their family.

Um, and they just have very tight families, but there are so many people who don’t have that growing up. And, um, I believe that you can come into the [00:29:00] family of your own choosing. As you become an adult. And I think that that’s why it’s so important. Spirit always says in the angels that when you do lose these closest people to you, that it’s really a choice that you’re making within to open yourself up, to develop new connections to new people and to find, um, the family of your own choosing, who’s really going to share life with you in this way.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’m a really big believer in this idea that we kind of choose our families. You know, it’s been very important to me personally in my life, like the friends that I’ve kind of accumulated over the years who are, you know, I can’t imagine my life without them. That’s so fundamental to it.

And like you said, you know, I didn’t come from a big family, but I do feel like now I’ve achieved those relationships that I kind of craved as a child. Yeah. [00:30:00] Yeah. Um, was there anything that you had to do in your own life to just kind of open you up to the fact that you can choose it? I think there was.

So I would say I kind of grew up with quite an anxious attachment style. Um, and so, you know, because of some events in my childhood, you know, I was very, scared of losing my friends. And as you know, any disagreement, I would think, Oh, well, that’s it, like, you know, our friendship is going to be over. And what I really had to learn to trust is that actually, you know, these bonds are resilient, that people are not going to suddenly drop me if I, you know, accidentally say a joke that lands badly.

Or, you know, if I, um, if I do make some slip up, like forgetting a birthday, it’s terrible, but it’s repairable. Like I can actually, you know, All of these bonds should be repairable. There are things we can do to reestablish the connection that we’ve got. [00:31:00] Oh, I love that. There’s things that we can do to repair the, and establish, uh, the bonds that we’ve got.

I love that. Um, you talk about a word that I’m not exactly sure I know how to pronunciate, but, um, Um, enjoying, con, felicity? Right. Yeah, you are pronouncing it correctly, or at least how I, um, how I pronounce it. Yeah, confelicity. And, um, yeah, I just love this concept so much. Me too! Explain it to everybody.

You gotta tell them what this means. Right. So, um, in our culture, I think we’re quite scared of sharing the things that make us happy and that we’re proud of because we don’t want to seem kind of boastful or that we’re gloating. Um, so, you know, we might have some achievement at work, like we might have won some kind of professional prize or got a promotion, or we might, you know, you know, have just fallen in love [00:32:00] and be in this amazing relationship or we might have been on this lovely holiday or it could just be the small blessings that we have every day like we had a personal best at the gym or just that we, you know, saw something beautiful that made us Builders with joy.

Um, but we, we’re kind of scared to share that with other people because we don’t want to seem that we’re, we’re boasting or bragging. We worry that they might be a bit envious or that they’ll read it wrongly if they’re having a bad day that it’ll seem like we’re rubbing their face in that. So we just kind of stay quiet, we hide all of these things.

Um, now what the research shows firstly is the envy. is not as common as we imagine it’s going to be. Um, and when people do feel envious, they, uh, often see, they kind of experience it as this benign envy. So, you know, you’ve had a professional success. Well, they want, you know, to achieve what you’ve done, but they see it actually as this kind of inspiration, something that they can strive towards as well.

It helps to [00:33:00] show them that You know, that is possible. It’s not totally, um, out of reach anymore now that they’ve seen that you can do it. Um, so, you know, we don’t have to worry as much about envy as we normally would do. Hiding the success can itself seem a little bit insulting, actually. Like, hiding something that we feel happy about, it doesn’t feel very honest.

It looks as if we’re patronizing the other person a little bit. Like, you know, maybe, you know, It shows we have like a quite a low opinion of them if we are assuming that they’re going to feel really jealous and envious and resentful of that. So, you know, people would prefer to hear because of all of these reasons.

But finally, and most importantly, there’s this term that you described, confelicity. And that is just the fact that people sometimes just feel vicarious joy. To hear you saying how happy you are. Like they love you enough that when you’re happy, it makes them [00:34:00] happy. And actually that process of experiencing confuliscity together is really important in establishing and strengthening our relationships.

Because it really is another way of affirming this. shared reality that I’ve spoken about. The fact that you can both be happy about the same thing. And it just, I think, shows how much trust and love that you have in that relationship. That, that, you know, you can feel happy together, even if the other person isn’t directly benefiting from the thing that brought you joy.

I think you might be on mute. Oh, sorry about that. I said, yeah, absolutely. And I think it can be little things too. Um, you know, as we’re recording this, it’s almost Halloween here in the States. And, uh, I ordered two stitch outfits, like onesies for Blake and my husband and I to wear to, uh, um, a Halloween party [00:35:00] and our dog gets cold in the house right now.

So she just snuggled up into one of the costumes and it was adorable. So I took a picture yesterday and I sent it to my husband and he goes, Oh, it’s exactly what I needed today. That’s so sweet. Um, but I think that so often, you know, we can get into these ruts with one another of just talking negatively or just, Bringing the vibe down or commiserating with one another over the negatives in life.

But I love this idea of confelicity. And I think that it could help so many people just shift their relationships and raise the vibration. And, um, not that we don’t talk about honestly, like what’s happening, if it’s something important. And, you know, there’s just spaces within life where life isn’t always pleasant.

Um, but I think that this could bring a lot of. Just joy and infuse it back into relationships. [00:36:00] Yeah, I totally agree. I think, you know, we just want the full spectrum of emotions to be expressed in our relationships, you know, again, it’s like removing that kind of barrier and just showing people, you know, who you are and what you’re feeling, whether that is that you’ve had a really bad day, and you want to let off a bit of steam, whether you’ve had a failure, and you want to acknowledge your disappointment, or even your embarrassment, but also not forgetting that You know, when you’re happy, you can share that too.

And people will respond with this kind of positive empathy for what you’re feeling. So, you know, empathy and compassion, you know, the kind of roots of those words, you know, literally like, um, the, um, the lexicography is that they do kind of come from shared suffering, but actually, you know, We have the ability to share joy as well.

And I think it was Nietzsche had said that, you know, this is what really makes us human actually is the fact that we can have so much joy at seeing another [00:37:00] person being happy. Oh, I love that. Um, you also talk about expressing appreciation and I think that this is such a big piece to relationships that maybe we don’t do often enough.

Um, and in your book at the very end, you talk about sometimes, uh, we feel vulnerable. You know, I think one of the last things that you say in the book is if you haven’t tried any of the exercises yet, go tell three people, um, who you really love. what you think about them and you’ll just see how much reciprocity there is and just connection that forms.

But talk about expressing appreciation and just why it’s so needed. Yeah. I mean, absolutely. I think, you know, if people could do that at the end of this podcast, Stephen, it’s just to, um, send a message to free people that they might not have been in touch with in a while, but just let them know. what they mean to you.

It’s really important and [00:38:00] we, like you said, we’re kind of quite shy and we feel quite vulnerable doing this because we are worried that it won’t be reciprocated and especially with the kind of, um, older acquaintances who you might not have, um, stayed in touch with as much as we like, we might worry that they might have moved on.

But the research shows that this is one of these, um, psychological barriers that prevent connection. And it’s needless, it’s, we’re needlessly pessimistic because the chances are the other person will really appreciate hearing from you and they’re probably feeling the same way. But, um, yeah, just in general life, you know, even with the people we see every day, we tend to, um, bite back our compliments, um, or our gratitude.

Um, and there are various reasons for this. One is that we worry that we’re going to Sound a little bit clumsy when we express those things like we, we think we might not have the right words, we might seem a little bit ingratiating, um, or kind of slimy, almost with the other person, um, if [00:39:00] we do it too much.

Another reason is just that we, we kind of assume that the other person knows. how great they are anyway. So we kind of think they don’t need me to tell them it. Um, they already, already know, and they probably already know how I feel. That’s the assumption. Um, but they don’t. And that’s what the research really shows us, is that people just, they really enjoy hearing these, um, kind words much more than we predict that they will do.

And also what we, um, underestimate is how good we will feel. after having said these things as well. Like, it’s not awkward to say them, and actually we get a real buzz once we have, um, exchanged. those kind words. And actually, you know, we spoke about some of the health benefits that come from social connection.

Well, expressing a compliment or gratitude to someone is just a really great way of instantly getting a little bit of that health boost. There was this study that [00:40:00] mimicked the Shark Tank TV program, you know, where they paired students up and they had to come up with this. um, product that they would present to a team of judges for a prize.

Um, and you know, they were quite nervous about doing this, you know, about expressing their creativity and then doing the public speaking. Um, but what the researchers found is that if they encouraged, um, just one person within each pair to express gratitude to the other person, um, what they found was that both of them, um, experienced a more muted, stress response.

So they still felt energized, but they weren’t kind of going into that fight or flight kind of feeling of panic that some of the other students were, were undergoing. So, um, it’s just so powerful and so simple, but I think we really do forget this. If we are personally feeling stressed, we might forget to express how much it means to us, um, the support that we’re receiving from other people, but actually expressing that Saying it [00:41:00] out loud will make everyone feel much better.

It will actually help you to deal better with the challenges that you’re facing. I love that. Um, one of the other things that you talk about is, uh, asking for help. And I think that this is something that is not always, or maybe it just wasn’t a generational thing for our parents to ask for help. And so I think our, our generation has had to learn how to do this.

And as many cases still learning, um, how can we better ask for help with what it is that we need? I guess does it require first and foremost us knowing what we need? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, so this is something that I. of, you know, mistakes I’ve made in the past, where I would just assume that, um, you know, I really want to be independent and I would pride myself on my independence.

The fact that I never kind of asked my colleagues for favours, or, you know, my friends for favours. I would if I had a problem, I would solve it [00:42:00] myself. Um, uh, and it’s kind of All that’s doing is piling on the stress onto ourselves when actually there could be someone who is much better equipped to deal with the issue at hand rather than ourselves.

And you know, we should value their advice. Um, now what the research shows us, first of all, is that, um, people are much more likely to uh, give us the help that we ask for than we expect. So in various studies, um, you know, looking at interactions between people who know each other, but also between complete strangers, you know, it could be asking if you could borrow a stranger’s phone because yours has run out of battery, or getting someone to not just give you directions, but to walk you to a particular location.

People always overestimate how many people they would have to ask to, um, to find one person who would, um, give them that favour. Actually, it’s about, we overestimate it by about a factor of two. So we’re, [00:43:00] um, yeah, it’s really quite impressive, this effect size, you know, in psychology. But yeah, we, we’re really pessimistic about people actually offering to help us.

And then what we, another thing that we, forget, we think we’re going to seem like a burden to that person. So even if they do help us, we think they’re going to resent it. But the research shows that actually, they, a lot of people feel really, like, flattered to have been asked. And it can actually help them to like you more, because you’ve shown that little bit of vulnerability, and because you’ve shown the respect to the other person, and kind of underlined that you think they are.

a trustworthy, friendly person who would be willing to do that. It actually, um, either cements the relationship that you do have, or it, um, or it plants the seed of a friendship that can then grow to be something more. And we see this, it’s a phenomenon called the Benjamin [00:44:00] Franklin effect, because in his autobiography, he wrote about this exact principle that if he wants to win someone over, You know, he spoke about this kind of enemy in the, um, Pennsylvania, uh, General Assembly.

He, he won over this rival by actually asking him for a favor to borrow a book from his private library. Um, but what we see is that this has been replicated in the research time and time again, that asking for help can actually be a really good strategy for building a friendship. Oh, I love that. Um, talk about, uh, constructive disagreements and also healing bad feelings.

Yeah, so I mean, I think, you know, we spoke a bit about how disagreement is a bit inevitable in any kind of friendship. And I think especially, you know, know, we do see kind of broadening political divides, or at least we have the perception of that. And, [00:45:00] you know, some people do report, you know, having lost friendships or cut off ties with their family because of these disagreements.

And I think the research shows that actually, Um, you know, there are definitely ways that we can avoid those disagreements turning so nasty and becoming such a deep, uh, fracture within the bond. Um, and there are kind of four main principles that I speak about to make those, um, conversations better. Um, one is called the Montague Principle and it’s named after an English aristocrat called, um, Lady Mary Wortley Montague.

And she said that, um, civility is costs nothing and buys everything. And it’s such a basic principle. But just if you want to have a constructive conversation, and you want the other person to listen to your point of view, be civil to them. The research shows, you know, there’s never a benefit to being civil.

rude. Um, like you’re not, [00:46:00] no matter how strongly you think you’re putting across your point of view, you’re never going to get someone to actually listen to it or take it on board if you present it in a way that is somehow offensive or insulting to them. Um, the second principle is to express curiosity and just to show that you genuinely want to understand what the other person is.

thinking and feeling and why they’ve come to that opinion. Um, now what the research shows is that we tend to underestimate how curious the other person is. So you can see in this kind of disagreement, both sides might think, oh, they don’t really want to hear what I have to say. They just want to persuade me or they just want an argument.

But the research shows that this Isn’t true. Um, that actually people deep down, they actually do want to come to that understanding. Um, but we have to verbalize that. We have to actually reassure the person that that is the case. So just asking more questions, you know, not [00:47:00] leading questions, but framing them in a way that is genuinely curious.

You know, that can be very disarming and what, um, what happens is the other person instantly becomes. less defensive. And so they’re actually there, they will tell us something that we will probably find very illuminating and help us to understand them better. But they will also be more open minded. As a result of this, they’ll be more open minded to what we have to say as well.

So that’s very powerful. And then finally, just the last two principles, very quickly, share your personal experiences, because that really matters. Not just presenting the facts but saying, you know, what in your life has made you feel that this is important. And finally, try to frame what you’re saying in the kind of language that the other person will understand.

So think a little bit about what their kind of core values are. And often problems can be presented in, in those terms, and they’re just much more likely to see your point of view, if you show that it doesn’t [00:48:00] have to be fundamentally opposed to everything they believe in, but actually that you do have this common ground and these, that your ideas can.

You know, your, your worldviews can complement each other. They don’t have to be in this kind of eternal battle. Yeah. So, you know, I think the question one where you said just asking a question can disarm them. I think that that’s so fascinating. Um, I was wondering if there’s any examples that come to your mind, because I think sometimes when people hear examples, they’re like, Oh, it kind of creates more into their, their mind, and then they’re able to pull it out when they need and use it.

Yeah, sure. So I mean, I’ll use an example from Britain, because it’s probably likely to not provoke such strong reactions, but say, You know, we had this referendum back in 2016 about whether the UK should stay in the European Union or whether it should leave and it became a very polarised and [00:49:00] hurtful topic of conversation and what you found is that often generations would disagree quite strongly.

So my parents voted to leave the European Union. And, you know, I found that very upsetting, because for me, a kind of European identity was really fundamental to the way that I viewed myself, you know, all my life, I’ve been a member of the European Union with the right to be able to live in any European city that I wanted to, and suddenly that was being taken away from me.

And so we did disagree quite fundamentally. But I think You know, I did ask my parents like why do you why what is it about the European Union that you dislike so much? Because they often like in the media, they, it was painted as this kind of pure xenophobia that it was like, we don’t want foreigners in this country.

Um, actually, my dad explained that his working conditions had deteriorated, uh, apart [00:50:00] because of EU legislation and because, uh, for various reasons, it had, um, kind of changed things that he had come to expect in his, um, profession, you know, for, he, he was a lorry driver, so a working class profession, but it was things like having, um, uh, the amount of time, uh, vacation, annual leave that he could take each year, having sick pay, the kind of bonuses that he could accept, you know, he felt like all of these things had been eroded as a consequence of us being in the European Union and his wages he felt had been kind of deflated because of that over the years.

And so okay, we never came to like a full agreement. Like I never, I would still vote to remain in the EU if there was another referendum. Because, you know, and we can fundamentally disagree, like I think still the working conditions would have been worse, and are worse now. you know, for various reasons outside of it.

But I think that this did create more empathy with me. And what it [00:51:00] did was it reassured me that, you know, he had these reasons that really matter to him personally. And I think for him, it really mattered that I took the time to delve into that, and that I didn’t just kind of have this knee jerk reaction.

So, you know, I think actually, Because of that conversation, our bond was stronger rather than weaker as a result of this, which is what you want with constructive disagreement, is to feel closer to the person at the end, even if you don’t see eye to eye. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I could see and feel into what you were saying.

I mean, wow, what an ability to help make progress and change within this world. If you, um, don’t look at everything as just it’s right or wrong, this or that, but you start to ask questions, uh, that curiosity digs into maybe what needs to be changed on both sides. to find a more balanced middle for, for everybody.

Um, and I [00:52:00] could see how much that would work for colleague relationships and partner relationships and relationships with your children. Um, that’s beautiful. Thank you so much for, for sharing all of these tips. Um, one of the things that I just really felt. That your book touched on that I really haven’t seen anywhere else is just the sacredness of our relationships and I think so often we do take them for granted and we just especially here in the States just go go go push push push and we don’t make our Time just for that sacredness and just being together.

So I just wanted to thank you so much for your work. Um, and for, for bringing people together in this way, I know that you talk about the 13 laws [00:53:00] of connection, but I’m just wondering, is there anything that just kind of stands out to you that maybe you want to share with the audience, uh, in, in parting?

Uh, yes, yeah. So I think one thing that is so important, and it really did change my life, I think, in the way that I view relationships, and it’s a phenomenon called the liking gap. And, um, so this mostly applies to those kind of, um, situations where you, you’ve met someone either once or a few times, but you haven’t yet established, um, a full friendship.

And what the research shows, you know, looking at in various scenarios is that we, um, You can have those interactions, and you, you really like the other person, like they’re funny, they’re intelligent, you know, they, they seem kind, they’re warm, like you really want to be friends with them, but you start having these doubts, you, You kind of ruminate on the things that you might have done wrong in the [00:54:00] conversation, you know, like you remember that joke that wasn’t very funny, or you said something that was a bit clumsy.

And so you start to have this assumption that, um, you liked the other person a lot more than the other person liked you. Now what the research shows is that this is not just you feeling that, actually, most people are feeling this way. So probably you. The very person that you were talking to has gone away from the conversation feeling exactly the same way.

They think that they liked you more than you liked them. Um, and that’s a real barrier that’s so needless. I think it’s, you know, we have this liking gap and it can last, the research suggests, you know, for months into an acquaintanceship or a friendship. Um, and it, first of all, I just think it stops us recognizing how how loved we are, how liked we are, how close connection is to us, you know, it’s within reach, but we, we feel that it’s not.

And I think it’s sometimes it [00:55:00] can be a barrier to the kind of behaviours that would actually help us to make more of those interactions. You know, if you are experiencing the liking gap, you might be less likely to, to suggest to that other person that you do meet up for coffee again, or, you know, to call in at your neighbor to say hello or to check in on how they are.

So you stay at a distance just because you assume they don’t feel the same way about you, but they do. They, I mean, you know, the chances are. that they do. And so I just love that whole principle. And it’s made me just a bit braver in all of my interactions to think like, yeah, if I like that person, I’m going to tell them that I like them.

And I’m going to suggest that we do meet up because the worst that will happen is that, you know, they might, um, you know, be a little bit cold to me, but, you know, more often than not, It’s probably going to lead to some kind of lovely friendship. I love that. And you know, the angels always say that we have to be better receivers of love.

Um, and is that how we do it? By just putting ourselves out there, being more vulnerable, [00:56:00] talking, you know, making that connection ourselves and making those suggestions. Yeah, I really think it is. It’s kind of being a little bit vulnerable, but you know, knowing that actually the chances are that the other person does really like you and they’ll probably like you more for the fact that you were the first person to kind of reach out and to to show your vulnerability in that way.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. David, thank you so much for writing this book. Um, your book, the, the laws of connection are, it’s just amazing. I, um, want you to tell everybody where they can find you, where they can find your work and, uh, yeah. Cool. Yeah, so I’m, um, uh, my website is davidrobson. me. Um, so you can buy my book, you know, pretty much anywhere, anywhere that you’d normally buy books, but I do have some links on my web page to both, um, you know, Amazon and the big online retailers, but also um, some ways that you can [00:57:00] support independent bookshops as well.

Um, and on social media, um, I’m on xd underscore a underscore robson and on instagram david a robson. And, you know, I really love hearing from listeners and readers and interacting, so, um, please do get in touch, you know, I really appreciate it. Oh, I love it. You’re so good at connecting with everybody. Oh my gosh, we need more Davids in this world.

Thank you, David. And when you come out with your next book, I hope that you please reach out. We’d love to have you back on the show. Yeah, I would love that. Thanks so much for the great conversation. Of course, by certifying you in mediumship, angel messages, and energy healing. If you’re not sure which is right for you, book a free call with me personally, using the link in the show notes.

I’d love to guide you. All right, friends, take a deep breath. Today, I want you to just tune in to the best. I mean, it’s so expensive. Bansive. When you tune into [00:58:00] the energy of Archangel Michael, his energy is protective, uplifting, deeply supportive. It helps you release what no longer serves you and welcome in.

We’re really welcoming. And I want you to tune into this energy because Archangel Michael says he’s got friendships. Connections, new opportunities, and people that are going to help you get to those opportunities that are all coming in this year. And he’s so excited for you. So as you take a deep breath in and out, just feel your entire body settle and relax into the knowing that Archangel Michael is here helping you.

Giving you this energy of pure strength, Archangel Michael helps you to release in an instant, boom, all of the fear, [00:59:00] doubt, any heaviness on your heart. And I want you to tune into Archangel Michael, asking you to fill a bag in front of you with all of the things that have really weighed you down over the last 12 months, all of the old worries, the past beliefs.

The limiting beliefs, maybe even the past experiences. that hurt you that you’re still holding on to. I want you to see yourself going into your physical body, scooping all of that up and out, placing it in the bag in front of you.

And when you feel like you’ve just all got it out of your body and into that [01:00:00] bag, I want you to hand that bag to Archangel Michael, knowing that he’s going to take it with care. And transform everything inside into new energies that serve your soul, that serve your highest purpose. And as you hand this bag over to him, I want you to feel this relief of letting go.

Of really what doesn’t belong to you. As you do this, Archangel Michael says, you are safe, loved, supported. He says, I am here guiding you, welcoming you into a whole new chapter of your life with new connections. New opportunities, fresh energies, the right people, the right circumstances, all at the right time.[01:01:00] 

Trust that you are ready for what is coming. All you need to do is stay open to the flow of life, to oneness, and allow these blessings to unfold in perfect timing. Now picture your spirit team gathering around you. All of your angels, guides, loved ones. And I want you to see them working behind the scenes to align you with all of the right people, opportunities, circumstances.

Then they have it lined up already at each day to help you this year, bring you the right thing at the right time. Feel them surrounding you with support, guiding you to the right connections and friendships that will [01:02:00] uplift and inspire you. And now I want you to see Archangel Michael holds out a gift to you.

And this gift symbolizes everything that you are calling into your life. Supportive friendships, relationships, opportunities, abundance, joy, fulfillment. And I want you to see yourself accepting this gift, feeling its warmth and meaning as it melds into you and becomes part of you. This is your reminder that you are worthy of these blessings.

And they are already making their way to you right here right now. So take a moment. To fill yourself with gratitude and imagine a gentle ripple of energy moving from your heart signaling to the world, Ooh, that you are [01:03:00] ready to welcome new experiences, new connections. This ripple carries your intentions and aligns you with the right people and opportunities.

Oh, that match your soul’s desires. And as we part today, Archangel Michael leaves you with this message. You are ready. Trust yourself. Trust your angels. Trust the flow of life. Everything meant for you is on its way to you. All you need to do is stay open and believe that the universe is always working in your favor.

Now, friends, I want you to take a deep breath in, a deep breath out.

Just feel [01:04:00] all that we have called in today. Thank you for being here and congratulations to Kay Cruz. She left this review manifesting. She said, this podcast hit my heart, manifesting and letting your heart grow. Julie is so sweet to listen to. Thank you. Oh, thank you, Kay Cruz. I’ve got a free session with your name on it.

Um, for leaving this five star review, if you’d like to be entered to win next month, all you have to do is leave a five star review on Apple or Spotify. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and join my email list at. The angel medium. com for sneak peeks, bonus healings, behind the scenes content, and so many exciting announcements that are coming this year.

I love you so much. Friends have a beautiful, beautiful blessed day, and we will see you here.