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Hello, beautiful souls! In this episode, we have the heartwarming story of Chelsea Ohlemiller, author of “Now That She’s Gone: A Daughter’s Reflection on Loss, Love, and a Mother’s Legacy.” Chelsea shares her journey through grief after losing her mother and how it inspired her to start writing. Her story is filled with moments of deep connection and signs from her mother, offering insights into the power of love and the presence of our angels.

Chelsea also talks about her writing process and how she felt her mother’s presence guiding her as she wrote her book.  Whether you’re navigating grief or seeking a deeper spiritual connection, her journey provides valuable insights into the power of presence and the importance of recognizing the signs around us.

Get a copy of her book here: https://hopeandharshrealities.com/book/

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Transcript:

. Hello, beautiful souls. Welcome back to the angels and awakening podcast. I’m your host and author, Julie Jancis

And today we have on a beautiful guest and Chelsea Ola Miller. She is the author of the new book. Now that she’s gone, a daughter’s reflection on loss. Love and a mother’s legacy. Chelsea, when I saw this book release came out, I immediately like took a screenshot of it, sent it over to the woman on my team who helps me pull people onto the podcast.

And I was like, Oh my goodness. Chelsea lost her mom and she talks all about grief in such a beautiful way. And her mom’s passing inspired her to start writing because her mom had encouraged her to share her message with the world and her writing. And I was like, we have to have her on. So I’m so glad you’re here.

And I’m so excited to connect.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. I’m thrilled to be here and I’m looking forward to our conversation.

So, um, I wish it was under better circumstances. I lost my dad and that encouraged me to start the podcast. Um, and I know what it’s like to just kind of be thrust into a time in your life where you’re just not expecting it, but grief can hit you like this tidal wave and take up.

Uh, a lot of space. It takes a lot of time to learn how to navigate and understand how to breathe again and how to find joy again and how to be yourself again. Um, and so I know that the listeners love angel stories and you have stories of your mom’s presence coming through, signs coming through. Let’s start with your angel stories first.

Yeah. So, um, one thing is that after my mom passed, several people would tell me about, you know, red Cardinals and things like that. And, um, we, we always just kind of thought of red Cardinals being, um, you know, my grandmother coming to say hello or my grandfather, we talked about it with my mom. And so it was just always there, this piece of hope.

But after my mother passed, I live in Indiana. There are Cardinals everywhere, but I hadn’t seen one. Forever. I can’t even tell you the last time I saw one and for the first few months of grief. I just, I was running, you know, you don’t want to sit with it. You don’t want to acknowledge it. And there was one day where I went in my living room, which is surrounded by some windows.

And I was I was in the pits. You know, I was down. I was crying. I think I was actively talking out loud and just saying, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to keep going on. My future looks completely different. I’m different. What am I supposed to do? And just in complete despair, I’m crying. Out of nowhere, I hear a tap on the window and it was a very loud, aggressive tap, which scared me.

And I was startled and I jumped and I look over at the window and sitting on this Windowsill, which is so little is a red, bright red Cardinal. And I thought this is not happening. You know, you try to dismiss them. And then I started crying harder and I just kept looking at, and I, you know, I took a minute to calm down and then I just sat there.

And I still, it wasn’t registering yet, you know, and all of a sudden it taps again on the window and it’s like using its feet to tap and I look over and it was just this sense of relief, like, pay attention to this. Do not dismiss this as coincidence. I see you, you are in the pits of it. You know, you are on the floor crying in this living room.

Look up and recognize what’s beside you. And I can’t even describe the comfort that came from that. My husband came in because he heard these loud, you know, taps. And I explained the story to him and the Cardinal is still sitting there just the whole time, just sitting there, staring inside this window.

And I wish I had, I took a picture of it because it was just such a moment that I was like, I want to remember this forever. And there will be people, you know, that would say that’s a coincidence, but the many times that it happened, there’s no way that is a coincidence, you know? And so now the beauty of that is it reminded me again, to look for her.

And now when I am just really in, you know, the web of grief, I will say to my mom, if you are here, If there is some sign that somebody can give me and it will always be a cardinal, it will always be a cardinal and it would be at the most inopportune time, you know, where there should not be a cardinal, you know, like in the parking lot of a target, you know, with no trees around, why is there a cardinal here, you know, and so it’s just that it was such a beautiful moment.

And I hope that even just describing it, sometimes you have to feel those moments to truly grasp the, um, you know, levity of it, but yeah, it was just such a beautiful reminder. And it was probably only about six months, maybe seven months into my grief journey.

Um, one of the things that spirit was saying, well, they were saying a lot while you were talking, but your mom had me write down, um, to ask.

You, did you feel her as you were writing the book? Because I kept getting this imagery, this vision of you, like as you’re sitting out writing. And I’d love to know, side note, this is just me. What’s your writing process to just like get the book out? Because I know a lot of times you have to just carve it out of your schedule to find that time.

But you’re a busy mama, right? You have three kids. So how did you write the book? And also, did you feel her coming through and her presence a lot as you were sitting down to write it?

Yeah, so wonderful questions. The first one is that I had a friend a long time ago. Tell me she wrote when she felt a glimmer and that really struck with me.

And so for me, what I would do is just journeying through life. My kids would say something and I would write that word down. It might inspire me in some way. If I was reading a book. Or listening to a movie, there would be words that just jumped out at me or phrases or topics. And then as soon as I would sit down, it just flowed out of me.

And so while writing is not easy, most of these things just came so quick because I truly feel like. I was called to write them and also just process and get it out. And so that part was very therapeutic and, um, you know, definitely something that, while I say it again, it’s not easy, but it did come and flow through me just very authentically, very raw, very real.

Um, and the beautiful thing about that, which actually ties into the second question is that. While I was writing, a lot of the things I was writing about were very heavy, very harsh. You know, that first grief that you feel, um, the anger, the jealousy, the things not many people talk about because it is an uncomfortable topic.

But through that, I kept hearing my mom say to me, what about me? Like, this is her story too, you know? And so what about what I would say to you as a daughter when you’re sitting at my grave? You’re thinking of this in a certain way, you know, but here’s how I’m thinking of it. And so there are several pieces that are written for my mom’s perspective and how I truly feel like she put words in my heart of give these women hope, give these daughters hope, because this is what us moms are thinking and feeling for you.

And so, That was such a beautiful thing because I, I kind of feel like in a way we were co authors that my mom was just sending me these messages of like hope and light that I needed, you know, and comfort that I needed. And then return that I could give other women and say, this is what our moms are probably saying, you know.

That’s so wild. Okay, you just answered a couple of things. I feel like this entire thing is an angel story in and of itself. I just recently had, remember Jennifer Love Hewitt? I used to love her. I love Jennifer

Love Hewitt.

Yes! So she lost her mom. She just wrote a book about finding joy after loss. And, um, I had brought through that message for her of her mom was telling her to look at it from the perspective of her on the other side.

And, you know, those messages, uh, I was just kind of helping her release a couple of things, but, oh, my goodness, I got to connect you too, because you’re so just so. So

similar, um, and I have to read that book because I feel like it’s meant for me to yes.

It’s called inheriting joy. Um, yes. And then, you know, you go through all of these writing circles as a writer and you have writing coaches and you work with different people and they all tell you to sit down and carve out, uh, a couple hours every morning to just write, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

But you’re not always inspired. Yeah, 6 a. m. in the morning or 5 a. m. or 8 a. m. Whatever it is. And so I’ve been praying every morning and asking my angels to bring me the right answer to this. And I’ve been feeling just right when you’re inspired, just right when you’re inspired. And that’s just what you

said.

Yes. And I truly. You need to do that because there are so many books that are wonderful resources and they work for people, you know, to carve out like a writer’s guide or whatever, you know, there’s a very popular book and that works so well for people that doesn’t work for me. I have to write when I feel like the message has been sent to me and I feel like there’s been some kind of inspiration and giving myself permission to be messy.

And when that shows up. Is what really helped me be a better writer and also just in tune with what is best because if you do that, sometimes you’re not, you’re giving a message and you’re writing because you need to, but not because you’re called to. And those are very different things.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. And there’s just a magic that comes through, like when you’re inspired, you’re in the vibration it’s happening, but how do you step away? Like if it comes at night, you know, if you’re, does it come at night when you’re eating dinner or, um, you know, is it more so like during the day when you’re just kind of working along, but then you get hit with that inspiration.

Yeah. So what I do is I keep my phone with me at all times and I use the notes section and if it’s a lyric, if it’s something a stranger said, I write it down, knowing that I’m not going to be able to do anything with this. You know, if it happens in the car writer line at my kid’s school, I can’t write right now, but I can take a note of it and come back to it.

And so I always take little notes everywhere. If I don’t my phone, I’ll write in a little journal, you know, next to my bed. Anything I can do to take that. You know, blip of information, whatever it may be, and then use it when I have time. And so I think Anne Lamott has even spoken about that is like, sometimes the universe will send us these things we need to write about and we can hold them.

We don’t have to do it right away. There’s no pressure to, you know, release it immediately, but if you wait, if you don’t do anything with it, it’s going to go to somebody else, but I’ve never had that happen. You can take the time. And also sometimes it’s even better because then you can say, wait a minute, Here’s how I originally thought of this phrase or this topic.

And here’s what’s coming out of me now, you know, and so it can shift a little bit as grief does, you know,

a hundred percent. Well, and it’s interesting. I love that you brought up and Lamont because we had her on the podcast this spring with her new book. And I always tell people, whenever you’re in writing circles or you’re working with writing teachers, they’re always like, and Lamont, Annie Lamont.

Um, and, uh, I know a lot of people might be listening and be like, Julia, I don’t know if today’s episode applies to me. We’re getting into grief, but there are so many sessions that I do with people where spirit comes in and just asks them to write something down. And I think that our school systems are just so.

so wonderful and so phenomenal in so many ways, but that a lot of people have these perceptions going through school. Like I’m not a good writer. I don’t know that I could write. Sometimes it’s just writing things down for our own family legacy to get passed down. Sometimes it’s just writing things down for our kids because our angels are asking to in our hearts.

The angels know that our kids are going to need something later down the road. And you might be in that inspiration right here, right now to jot it down. And they need it. Sometimes it’s because we’re connected to our great grandparents. You know, people in the past and our families who have just done cool things or different things, and we need to know about them.

You’re, you say that your mom passed and she had encouraged you to share your work. And that’s not an easy thing to do. That can be hard. How did you bridge that gap that through your grief, you actually started to listen to mom and to write?

Yeah. So basically I realized the harsh reality that My mom had given me advice.

And that was the last advice I would ever get from her. There would be no new advice coming from my mom. And so I had to really step back and listen to the advice she gave while she was here and use that to fine tune how I showed up for people, how I lived my life, which dreams I pursued. And really Just for healing ultimately, you know, at first I just thought, you know, if nothing else comes from this, I’m releasing this emotion and this heartache and this heavy weight that I’m carrying.

And then it just developed into something where other women would say, you just wrote what I’ve been trying to tell my husband or my best friend, but I didn’t have the words. And then I just felt like it was a calling that you’re building my mother’s legacy and listening to her advice that I was going to provide words for people that didn’t have them, you know, because you can be filled with beautiful friends, beautiful family, but they don’t understand where you are.

And so if I can be a divide, you know, something that can. Met mesh people together with a commonality of what pain feels like, what grief feels like and how to move forward, then that’s a beautiful thing. And it helps me heal and helps other people. And I think that’s ultimately what my mom would want.

For sure. Absolutely. And I think that that’s what your work does it. Um, I believe that everything in this world is energy and we just don’t perceive it that way. We don’t understand it. And. The energy of grief is something that you don’t know how you’re going to move through or what it’s going to be like for you until you actually go through it.

And it’s a very, very hard energy to make your way through. And what your book does is help people energetically. Release that heaviness off themselves, gives them a way to process, um, that grief. You said that as you were working on the book, you kind of moved through some anger, some jealousy, some harder feelings.

How did you move through that? And, and what do you talk about when it comes to anger, jealousy, and grief?

Yeah, I think I had to come to grips with the fact that I was going to be a combination of conflicting emotion and dualities, like for the rest of my life. And I had to come with the, like, I can be grateful and grieving.

I can be devastated and also have joy. And so I think that, you know, What happened at first is you feel these things like jealousy. When I would see other women with their mothers, my mom was only 57 and I would see women with their older mothers and I would be jealous because of something I didn’t have.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want them to have it too. It was just, I was missing that. But that feeling of jealousy then causes so much shame. You don’t want to be a jealous person and you know, you’re learning all of these things that no one’s really taught you about. And so you have to work through it and say, Oh wait, you know, I’m jealous because I just want what I had.

It’s not like I want to take theirs. I just want what I had back or, you know, anger, because. You’re not in control and you wish things were different and it’s okay to feel all those things. And I think that’s the first thing that I had to realize is to give myself permission to grieve in any way that looked fine for me, as long as it was healthy.

And then also to give myself permission to just feel and not push it down, not feel shame around it and just acknowledge it because For so long, I tried to run from it and I realized I’m not a runner. That’s not my skill. And it’s always going to be there waiting, you know? And so I really had to just confront it and say, you know, as silly as it sounds, just, okay, grief, like here we are, we’re going to be together.

I’m going to hold you forever. I’m going to hold my mom’s legacy forever. And we’re going to have to have a talk on how to figure this out, you know, because we are going to hold both things together. And so I think it’s just a matter of really understanding you’re going to be a conflicting ball of things that are both beauty and heartbreak.

Yeah, for a while,

right?

When it comes to your mom, um, she wants you to know that you can write to her and she’ll write back through you. And she wants you, me to let you know that when my dad passed, um, I didn’t know we weren’t on talking terms at the time and my name had changed because I got married and every time I would brush my daughter’s hair, I would hear this thought, but it sounded like my own internal dialogue.

And it said, she needs a hairbrush. Like I use, she needs a hairbrush. Like I used, I was so baffled because the hairbrush that I was using on my kiddo was the same one that I remember using. For forever. Um, so I’m like, what type of hairbrush I am going crazy. Um, but it’s clear tangents. It was clear touch that when I was touching her head, my kiddo, um, the voice would come through and it did it all month long and I felt like I couldn’t tell anybody because I thought I was going crazy, but, um, I started to work with different spiritual teachers.

And as I connected with different folks, I realized, holy. No, like when you think of mediums, the best mediums out there, you think that they hear their loved ones on the other side in this like booming voice or your mom’s just beautiful voice or my dad’s, uh, my dad’s voice, it was kind of higher pitch for a guy.

Um, and it’s not, they don’t, there is an inner wisdom. There is this inner voice and it. Like as a writer, I’ve been writing since I was 14. You just kind of are fed lines sometimes. Like you’ll get a line, you’re like, Oh God, gotta get a pen right now. Like I have to write that down because that is so good.

And there’s no way that that came from me, right? Like just divine inspiration. But that happens with our hearts and, and it just kind of comes through. So I don’t think that everybody’s, um, Loves like writing or just like hearing that voice and writing things down, but you’re one of those people that do.

And if this calls to you who are listening, try it. You can try it with an angel. You could try it with a loved one on the other side. Just when you have time and the kids aren’t around, but you have like an hour to yourself, sit down and just write for 20 minutes, a heartfelt letter to your mom and ask her every question that you have and after you’re done.

Write a letter from her back to yourself. Cause she’ll come through that voice, that inner wisdom.

I have tears, but I’m definitely going to do that.

Yeah. Cause she says a lot of times, like with the kids, you always wonder, like, what would she think about this or what would she say about this or what would her opinion be?

And she’s like, I’m feeding it all to you, like right through your psyche. Um, I had just done a session right before this and I told the woman, your dad and your aunt are on the other side and they want you to know that your daughter needs the swimming lessons, not because anything’s going to happen, but just because she needs the swimming lessons.

And she goes, Oh my God, I’ve been hearing that in my intuition. My mom’s been hearing it. Constantly. I was like, yay, that’s it. And she goes, you’re right. It’s not for anything bad. I’m a really strong swimmer, but when I was really young, um, like early teens, she said, I saw a guy, a bigger football guy out in the waves and he was struggling.

And he goes like on this float. Um, but there are big waves. And she said, she went in and she pulled him in from the water. So, oh my God, that’s it. It’s your intuition. Like, But it’s talking to you all the time.

Yes, yes. I tear still, like it’s just blowing from me.

Yes. Oh, um, tell me what grief is like for you today.

So you’ve, your mom passed in, in 2017, you kind of went through the bigger waves of grief. Does it lessen for time over time for you? Does it still come back and bigger waves every once in a while? And if so, how do you manage those days?

Yeah. So I think that for me, grief is not, you know, people say with time, it will get easier.

I don’t, I don’t find that to be true. I find that it’s just different. I think now, seven years later, after losing my mom, I’m able to see a lot more light than darkness. I’m able to see a lot more reminiscence than loss. And so I truly just think it transforms and it shifts. And so it’s easier to carry.

Because I know how to carry it now, you know, and I also know the days that will be harder. I’m learning that, you know, holidays are always going to be difficult. Her death anniversary is always going to be difficult. And also you learn kind of those little vulnerabilities that you have, like there are certain spots in, uh, The grocery store that I can’t walk by and, you know, at mother’s day, that’s going to be a trying time.

And so I think it’s really just learning what those vulnerabilities are and where your areas of kind of, you know, that like scar that you still have, that’s a wound that’s, you know, it’s still there. Um, and you don’t want to keep ripping it open, but you just learn how to manage it better and how to live with it each day.

And so. I, I feel so much more hope now. I truly feel like my mother is with me and that, you know, with this book, just releasing that she’d be proud of me. And I just think that. It’s different every day. You know, people talk about the stages and I don’t think it’s stages. I think it’s kind of a labyrinth and a web and you just have to keep working through it.

And I’m trying to do that each day, knowing that I’m always going to have that ache. But I’m also going to have that influence and that love and I’m still her daughter always and just trying to do something so that I have two legacies, both hers and my own. And that’s important to show my children that I’m going to take all those things of greatness that were my mom’s and hold those.

And then I’m going to create some new ones so that they are a perfect blend of the two of us, you know, and that that legacy continues.

Oh, that’s beautifully said. As an author, which I believe all authors are messengers. Um, what do you want to leave the audience with?

I think mostly just find people that are willing to sit with you in your darkness as much as your light and know that not everybody is worthy of witnessing your grief and your heartbreak and your harshest moments.

And, you know, Just fine. Even if in the most, you know, despair and heartbreak of whatever your grief is and whatever the losses that you’re holding, just look for that little shimmer of light because it’s there somewhere and one day it will be brighter and it may not be now and it may not be on your timeline, but I promise you it’s there.

And there’s so much hope you just have to wait to get on the other side of things.

Thank you so much for being here. I just absolutely love your book. Now that she’s gone, a daughter’s reflection on loss, love, and a mother’s legacy, tell everybody where they can find you, where they can find your book and where you’re on Instagram.

So my social media is happiness, hope, and harsh realities, but you can find it at hope and harsh realities. My website is the same www. hopeandharshrealities. com. My book is available everywhere on all retailers online at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Target, all those places.

Yeah, we’ll put that in the show notes below.

And for everybody listening, if you’re going through grief, just something that we like to share with all of our, uh, members in the angel membership is that grief just doesn’t come and go within a month, six months, a year. Um, there are a lot of people who actually have to manage the passing of the person, uh, the closing up of their will and trust.

Um, all of these bills that need to be closed out and, uh, payments. And a lot of times I find that our members are still grieving or just beginning the grief process five, six, seven years after the person has passed. And I just want you to hear that if that’s you, you’re not alone, that that is very common as well.

And at any point, if you need. Um, love and a supportive community who just gets it. We do have an angel membership, which is all about your spiritual growth. But one little piece in there is, uh, once a month on Wednesday nights, we have a group we call spirits uplifted and it’s. All people who just want to process that grief, um, from a spiritual perspective.

And so we have, uh, a woman, Lindsey, who runs that group and she does a phenomenal, phenomenal job with that. If you want more information, you can go over to the angel medium. com. Um, and look at the angel membership to sign up. Thank you so

much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I feel like we’re old friends that we’ve known each other forever, and I’m just so thankful for this opportunity.

Oh, me too. Okay. Well, I will, um, definitely connect you. I’ve got the, I’m just gonna stop the recording.